Somewhere in the month of June Lune, lies my birthday!
This is probably only exciting to moi, ha, yet here I am all excited anyway because in addition to celebrating myself I want to encourage you, to celebrate YOURSELF a little bit extra too. It doesn’t have to be a month long birthday celebration. It doesn’t even have to be your birthday. Just do something!
Lots of reasons. Sit with yourself and it will come.Pick the one you like best and run with it.
I started to celebrate myself grandly after realizing that I and I alone was responsible for my positive experience on Earth.
Also, I’m a bit of a Silly Goose.
Also, it makes people smile.
Also, I REALLY LOVE CAKE.
And good times. And growing wiser. And growing into myself.
So now, here is your Lune homework:
Tell me one thing you like about yourself.
Look, I’ll even do it too.
I like that I’m young at heart and able to get excited about all the things.
What do YOU like about YOURSELF? Tell me in the comments.
Can you believe we’re already nearing the end of April? Shocking!
It hasn’t been the worst month, pandemic aside but still, I’ve got some things on the ole shit list. Some pretty bad things too.
* If you’re new here, read about my Shit Lists HERE.
T.S Elliot was right, for different reasons.
“April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain.”
Here are mine:
1. My Uterus. It has an agenda of its own and that agenda is to make me suffer. Sure the IUD has slowed the constant bleeding but everything else remains exactly the same. I’m >thisclose< to performing a home hysterectomy.
2. The person who was quick to remind and caution me, most pointedly, that my son- who has struggled with addiction- was once also a sparkly eyed curious little boy, when I was describing my grandchild as such. Like what does that even mean?! And what exactly was your intention? And how stupid are you? DO you really think all sparkly eyed curious boys grow up to become drug addicts? What exactly were you warning me against? And what did you expect me to do with said warning? Stop loving my babies? I’m perplexed…oh and also:
Now obviously I should be posing my questions to said person but I was shocked out of my gourd. Stunned. This is a person who is supposed to be a close friend. Anyway, this was a great reminder to watch my own mouth and be careful what I say and to remember that people say stupid shit all the time and may not mean anything cruel by it…but still, I am allowed to be angry and therefore…onto the shit list it goes!
3. The employee of my husband’s who came in to work SICK! It’s been 14 + days and we’re still ok so phew! Social distancing works. It was scary there for a little while though. Every sneeze and sniffle, every cough and tickle edged up the anxiety.
4. Whatever it was that killed my nephew in March. He wasn’t even 22. I dont know how he died – I’m no contact with my first family under the guidance of mental health professionals.- but it was described as sudden and senseless. What an awful, awful thing.
5. The 8mm mass in my daughter in law’s BRAIN, that is not only messing up her life but which also comes with some very scary risks for removal. This girl isn’t even 30 and she’s already had to deal with so much in her life. She takes superb care of my granddaughter and she’s sweet and loving and fun. I know life isn’t fair and nobody deserves this shit but still, I’m gonna say it- She’s been through more than her fair share already.
6. People not skilled in listening and/or reading comprehension who just LOVE to shoot their mouth off. Stop. Slow down. Pay attention and then respond. I know we all do this sometimes. I do it! And I cringe every.single.time I realize my mistake, ha! I’m talking about the people who are not so self aware and regularly “communicate” this way.
7. My little pup who is coyote bait but insists upon being outside constantly now that the weather is warm. In and out. In and out. Guess who else gets to go in and out? In and out? Yeah…me. And it’s not like she does anything important while we’re out there! No pees, no poos. She barks at random things…eats grass…chases bugs. All the while I stand there supervising. She is driving me crazy and I think we’re going to have to build a higher fence just for her.
Alrighty! That felt good! I got the shitty things out of my head and I’m ready to move on toward the good. Here’s something to ponder in the meantime:
Every month I get the negative nonsense out of my head by compiling a Shit List. It’s great fun!
February has been pretty mild. Until I walked 5 mins after the fact into the middle of an unsecured crime scene/police SHOOTING, complete with cops walking around in a daze, ha.
Me to Cop One ” Uhhh, is it safe for me to be walking around the neighbourhood right now?”
Cop One ” No”
Here is my Shit List!
1. The Asshat who slipped a religious pamphlet into the box of yogurt I brought home from the grocery store. It’s bad enough religious assaults are inescapable in the day to day -especially in this province- but do you really have to molest me with your nonsense in the grocery store? Do you? And do you really think THAT is going to be THE THING that converts me ? It’s not. Here is a piece of advice from me to you: Stop wasting your time trying to “save” me and spend that time living your life as a shining example of love, respect and acceptance for all. Trust me, this will have a far greater impact on the world than your fire and brimstone bullshit ever will.
2. The cold temperatures!
I can handle the snow. I can even handle the ice because it means the temps are warm (ish) and things are moving towards the big melt. What I am DAMN tired of is the cold. Minus eleventy something degrees Celsius ? I’ve had enough of you! Get out of here. It’s warmed up slightly now but I know how this works…and I’m ever wary. Go away! The Spring sky doesn’t match the snow or the cold and its messing with my head.
3. Myself, for not realizing that if read down too far on the wiki page of a certain show I watch I may come across spoilers! Boooo!
4. Meth. Meth is the one of the reasons for the major crime surge in my neighbourhood. Last week, I walked into the aftermath of a police shooting! This was after the second violent car jacking of the day in my neighbourhood, to be followed by the whirlybird/dog take down of another car thief. All within a 3 mile radius. Then! Then! Then! The very next day, two kids got shanked at the mall 5 km away. My trauma injury is having a time. I am ready to GO OFF.
And there you have it! Not too bad for a whole month! I mean, the violence is bad enough for the month but if you take that out…this was a great month!
You know, those silly little things that only you find amusing. Those moments in life that give you a good giggle whenever they cross your mind.
Here are a few of mine:
The time I got stuck in a bean bag chair and had to work way too hard to roll myself over to an edge so I could get out, laughing my butt off the whole time.
Can you imagine trying to get out of this bad boy?!
The time I signed a birthday card for someone at work – Happy Birthday- Lael- and the people who signed the card after me starting signing it – Happy Birthday Lael! – Haa Haaa Haaa.
The time I laughed and felt my belly jiggle like a bowl full of jelly which made me laugh again sending me into an endless loop of laughing until I finally held myself still enough so my belly would settle down.
The time I rolled over in bed and found that my butt had eaten the sheets, ha!
Your turn! Do you have any inside jokes with yourself? Tell us in the comments! ❤
I used to think that in order to be a sunshiny, sugar sweet kind of person, I had to avoid all things that were negative. Life quickly taught me that was an impossible task! And so I found myself obsessively hiding the ugly stuff in life. Or glossing it up with lies and excusing it with pseudo science and platitudes.
For the LONGEST time I thought there was something wrong with me!
Why aren’t any of these positive thoughts working on any of my problems!?!?!?!?!?
Then as I delved deeper in my practice and I learned that all humans suffer. That suffering is a fact of life and a shared experience for all 7 billion of us, I felt great relief but I was still stuck with all these negative feelings. What the hell do I do with them?!
Well, the first thing I do is feel them.
And then…I put them on my Shit List!
There is something therapeutic about acknowledging the negative and then letting it go.
Sometimes, it comes back. That’s fine. Onto the list again. A shit list is actually a great tool to have because it:
Gets the negativity out of your head.
Helps you uncover patterns and serves as a roadmap to your challenges.
Validates your feelings OR shows you when you’re being a dumbass. ( The power of print! )
You can put anything you want on your list. People, experiences, objects, forces of nature. Whatevs. It’s all appropriate. We’re just making note of things that caused us suffering so we can acknowledge the negative and then… let it go.
With all that in mind I bring you: January’s Shit List
1. Alberta’s current government.
2. The creeps who prowl my neighbourhood, destroying and stealing property they go.
3. Mooshum, the worst watch dog in the history of watch dogs.
4. The Flu, which not only got me but gave my 2 year old grandson a febrile seizure and tossed my 5 year old granddaughter into the hospital with pneumonia.
5. Carl’s Jr. who ignored us in the drive thru,leaving us to sit there for 5 minutes before we drove away. I was really craving a burger too. Grrr!
6. Wimpy cough candies. Why even bother making your product? Ricola, I’m looking at you.
7. Myself, for being a mindless, careless knitter and a clueless human. This is a whole post in itself.
8. Animal “rescues” who operate more like pet stores.
9. People who rain on your parade. Yes, Janice I know getting your finger pierced is probably am exercise in snagged fingers but LET ME HAVE MY THING! And Oh, I’m sure owning and operating my own business would be a lot of work, let me find that out for MYSELF instead of gracing me with your “expert” advice. Do you think the thought never occurred to me? What exactly is your point and what are you trying to prove?! It seems like any time I have an idea, share something cool on social media or make note of something unusual, there is always someone there to take a giant steamer on it. Get.out.of.here.with.your.negativity!
10. Advertising in Alberta: First, the phone message from The Brick – a large furniture store- who regularly calls to advertise their shit over the phone. This time, instead of the usual ” I’m so and so from The Brick!” in used car salesman voice the message was as such- ” Hi! How are you?!” long pause…as if the person were waiting for your response even though it’s most obviously a recorded message” Ha ha, just joking this is so and so from The Brick” Go Fuck Yourself with that stupid shit!
Then there’s this gem:
I don’t live anywhere close to this neighbourhood! WHy are they sending me this and what does that photo have to do with teeth?! I hate capitalism.
11. My left ovary which feels like it has a cyst that’s trying to burst.
12. Unripe sapodilla’s that pretend to be ripe according to all sources but when you cut into said fruit of lies and take a big old bite out of a fruit that cost you 4 whole dollars, it so astringent that you have to spit it out into the sink and rinse your mouth out over and over again to repair the damage.
There, that should do it. One rant for every month of the year, ha. I feel better already. How about you? What’s on your SHit List this January?
Flow came to me over the Summer. I was enjoying life, flitting from one thing to another without an anxious thought or judgement. Simply living in the moment, mindful of the moment and nothing else. I had been in flow for about a month before realizing what it was and because it felt so good, I thought it’d make a good word for the next year.
So here I am, in flow.
This word serves as a reminder to let things go. To focus on what is at hand. To let the thoughts come and go as they will. To take each second as it comes with full acceptance. To step into the flow of life with gratitude for the experience and see where it takes me.
I’m excited for this one! It feels like freedom.
Do you choose a word to start off your year? Care to care?!
How about resolutions? I found a really great take on resolutions here for those of you who like to make them.
Stepping out onto my rotting wooden porch, a familiar feeling overcame me. A sensation I felt throughout my body. An organic, all knowing feeling of the truth in that moment.
I don’t usually make note of what exactly brings on this feeling. It’s not really all that important. I trust my instincts. The details dont really matter.
But this time I did take note…
The sky around me was a darker shade of blue, filled with puffy clouds. Both the sky and the clouds seemed closer to me than they had the day prior.
The air felt cool even though the sun was shining. Even though my favourite weather app told me it was 20 degrees C outside.
Autumn, my Friends! Autumn is in the air!
If you’re following along with me and my S.A.D journey/experience for yourself (and you’ve done your own research!) this is your reminder to start taking your micro dose ( .5 mg) of melatonin daily,( in the late afternoon) as soon as YOU feel Autumn in the air, wherever YOU live.
I’m excited to see if starting the melatonin micro dose now does me any greater good than it did last time. It sure helped me last night. I slept like the dead and woke up feeling less ugh than I have in the past four days.
What I’m trying to stave off are the three months of vile muck I go through every Fall when we lose the light. My wish, my fondest hope, my deepest desire is that by starting the melatonin as soon as I notice the light change from Summer to Fall, I will glide through the worst of it with a low grade soft depression as opposed to the hard angry kind.
I’ve given up all hope for a total cure. This is the way I am, because of where I live. Nothing short of moving to the Equator will cure me. ( An idea that has crossed my mind, believe you me!)
I won’t know if it’s worked until I’m out of the worst of it of course, and last time that didnt happen until mid November. Depression is an asshole that tricks you into thinking you’re just “fine” until you come out of it.
I scared myself last year. I’m >this< close to going to the Doc for meds which is something I don’t want to do hence this massive pre-emptive attack. ( I have a whole program planned) There is nothing wrong with meds, AT ALL. I just don’t want to take them. I’ve seen too many of my friends suffer from the wrong med or side effects and that has really turned me off them. BUT I will if things get unbearable. And if you decide to do that too, good for you! I hope you feel better.
For now though, I’ve got this experiment to keep me busy plus a few other tricks up my sleeve. I’ll continue to document my experience for those who need it. IN the meantime here’s a link, should this subject interest you!
The celebration of my birth month continues. Just about two more weeks left. June is just whipping by us!
It’s been fun! I’ve thrown all routine out the window. Unless I have an appointment… I do what I want. This usually means being outside in the garden. Either weeding or reading. Strangely I find both equally relaxing. Weeding is actually really fun AND I’m developing a wicked tan!
Palm Bay beverages are made in Vancouver, BC. My old stomping grounds! This was OK. Strong but quick passionfruit flavour, no raspberry that I could taste. Bit of a vodka-y after taste. Not the worst thing I’ve ever had but I probably wont buy them again.
I am IN LOVE with these earrings! They’re made out of flowers! And they are just so cool looking. The colour is out of this world. Krista is a really cool person too. I met her (and bought these) at a local craft show, here in Edmonton. You can check out her site HERE which I see is under maintence SO you can find her here, on ETSY
I’m a sucker for handmade soap. These four are all delicious smelling AND the one I’m using now- Sophisticated Hippie- lathers up really nicely. I can tell its made with quality ingredients because my skin feels so soft and clean after each use. Apple Island Naturals is also in BC and are run by nice people! Check them out HERE.
Isn’t this the cutest thing!? And given my current bird obsession, very appropriate! The eggs are such a vibrant teal and they’re opalescent…they glow against my skin. Handmade again, and the artisan was a lovely human. You can find her HERE. Tracey is in Calgary, AB.
Yes, that is a hamburger. My FAVOURITE hamburger, a Teen Burger from A&W 🙂 Nom Nom Nom
You can now find me on Instagram >>>over there, in the sidebar. Follow me, if you’re so inclined.
I hope your weekend is going great! Love & Squishy Hugs. ❤
The festivities started early, when we all went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, Miss. Sassafras’s dance recital and Mum’s visit!
On Saturday, my gift to myself were tickets to said dance recital and this glorious dinner:
On Sunday I went for an long walk and ended up at Chapters Indigo where I spent a good hour going through the wares. It felt so nice after two days and three weekends full of people, to be alone, doing my very own thing!
Monday’s gift was this little cube of deliciousness:
On Wednesday I went to MINISO and wandered around:
And then I had lunch at Popeyes!
Thrusday saw me paying off my library fines, nomming down this pretty confectionery:
and setting aside the time to watch Alone, on the History Channel. (Kind of bleak this year, although I did take special delight in seeing the dude who talked shit about people who talk to trees, being hauled off only four days in. I like to think that maybe the trees just didn’t like his nonsense…)
And Friday brings me to today, and this:
Its the perfect day for it too. Cool, windy and rainy. Exactly my jam! And with a good pile of books at the ready … I know what I’m doing all weekend! 🙂
This has been a great first birthday week! Giving presents to oneself every.single.day might seem totally self indulgent which is exactly the point! HA HA! AND it also reminds me to pause and take note of all the good around me. All the other things worth celebrating. This life I live, as it is.
What are you thankful for this week? What did you do, to celebrate another week of living?