COVID 19 Anxiety.

How are you holding out? Are you feeling anxious?

I thought I was doing pretty good until I noticed I was sniping at my husband and growing more scattered than normal. A stranger on an article about anxiety mentioned in the comments that she felt like her head was going to “pop off” and my light switch flipped on. That’s how I was feeling too!

The great thing about this was that as soon as I recognized it in myself, I felt better! I’m doing pretty good now. Still anxious but not unaware and able to take action to care for myself, as needed. Here are some things that helped me. I hope, if you are feeling anxious too that they may help you ❤

1. Be open and honest about your feelings with your friends and loved ones.

My Hubs was able to cultivate so much more patience and understanding for me once he learned why I was suddenly being such a bitch to him. My friends flooded me with love and support too, which had a very real bolstering effect! Not only that, my openness has helped others open up about their own mental health and that has further built and strengthened my community AND given me a sense of pride and purpose, which in turn allows me to focus on something other than DOOM!

2. Realize that feeling anxiety now is completely normal!

Anxiety is a normal response to an abnormal situation. These are SCARY times! You are not over reacting if you feel afraid. You are a human being having a biological response to real danger. Our bodies are designed to feel this way, during times like this. It all feels awful by design. You’re doing nothing wrong.

3. Do something physical if you can to move that anxious energy out of your body.

If you already have an exercise routine, keep it up. Adapt it if you need to, but be sure to keep at it. If you don’t, try going for a walk. (If you can. Away from other people, obviously) I know I personally always feels better after a walk.There is lots of science that confirms the great benefits of this form of exercise. If I cant get outside, I walk in my house. Seriously. That’s how much I believe in walks for good health. There are a ton of other amazing things you can do to work that anxiety out. Yoga, dance, weight lifting -use cans if you don’t have weights- clean your house! Take up a craft..do something physical. It doesn’t matter what, as long as you like doing it. Joyful movement is an excellent balm.

4. Find humour in things. Seek it out!

Oh the memes. The memes! What a time to be alive! The memes are amazing! People are so clever, so artistic and hilariously funny. I have spent more time laughing than I have worrying, that’s for damn sure. Find your own favourite source for humour. Laugh. Just laugh. Seek out the absurd. There is science to back up how important this is too. Have yourself a good giggle!

5. Seek out the good.

These ARE scary times, and some people are acting like jerks but there are way more decent humans than not. Find those people! Focus on them. Be that person yourself! Here, I’ll get you started. When I popped up to the store to grab some groceries every single human was acting decent. Yes, the fear was palpable but no one was freaking out and people were helping one another! ( I helped a lady who couldn’t read English.) I saw countless people reaching up on the top shelves for those who couldn’t and people were not clearing out the food. They were careful to leave stuff for others. I came home feeling happy, yes happy! It’s nice to know we haven’t lost our kindness.

I belong to three groups on Facebook devoted to helping others during this time. People are going out their way to assist those in need. My own friends have offered up their libraries to me! Delivered straight to my door step! ❤

Countless artists online are making art for others-free! I’ve seen a Jann Arden show and Keith Urban too. Other organizations are opening up online content for free as well. Goodness still exists. Look for it.

Our world is going to be changed by this massive event. YOU are going to be changed as well. May you find peace, comfort and a wee bit of joy where you can. Love and squishy hugs to all of you!

February Sh*T List

Every month I get the negative nonsense out of my head by compiling a Shit List. It’s great fun!

February has been pretty mild. Until I walked 5 mins after the fact into the middle of an unsecured crime scene/police SHOOTING, complete with cops walking around in a daze, ha.

Me to Cop One ” Uhhh, is it safe for me to be walking around the neighbourhood right now?”

Cop One ” No”

Alrighty then.

Here is my Shit List!

1. The Asshat who slipped a religious pamphlet into the box of yogurt I brought home from the grocery store. It’s bad enough religious assaults are inescapable in the day to day -especially in this province- but do you really have to molest me with your nonsense in the grocery store? Do you? And do you really think THAT is going to be THE THING that converts me ? It’s not. Here is a piece of advice from me to you: Stop wasting your time trying to “save” me and spend that time living your life as a shining example of love, respect and acceptance for all. Trust me, this will have a far greater impact on the world than your fire and brimstone bullshit ever will.

2. The cold temperatures!

I can handle the snow. I can even handle the ice because it means the temps are warm (ish) and things are moving towards the big melt. What I am DAMN tired of is the cold. Minus eleventy something degrees Celsius ? I’ve had enough of you! Get out of here. It’s warmed up slightly now but I know how this works…and I’m ever wary. Go away! The Spring sky doesn’t match the snow or the cold and its messing with my head.

3. Myself, for not realizing that if read down too far on the wiki page of a certain show I watch I may come across spoilers! Boooo!

4. Meth. Meth is the one of the reasons for the major crime surge in my neighbourhood. Last week, I walked into the aftermath of a police shooting! This was after the second violent car jacking of the day in my neighbourhood, to be followed by the whirlybird/dog take down of another car thief. All within a 3 mile radius. Then! Then! Then! The very next day, two kids got shanked at the mall 5 km away. My trauma injury is having a time. I am ready to GO OFF.

And there you have it! Not too bad for a whole month! I mean, the violence is bad enough for the month but if you take that out…this was a great month!

How about you? Who or what is on your Shit List?

Sh*T List- January

I used to think that in order to be a sunshiny, sugar sweet kind of person, I had to avoid all things that were negative. Life quickly taught me that was an impossible task! And so I found myself obsessively hiding the ugly stuff in life. Or glossing it up with lies and excusing it with pseudo science and platitudes.

For the LONGEST time I thought there was something wrong with me!

Why aren’t any of these positive thoughts working on any of my problems!?!?!?!?!?

Then as I delved deeper in my practice and I learned that all humans suffer. That suffering is a fact of life and a shared experience for all 7 billion of us, I felt great relief but I was still stuck with all these negative feelings. What the hell do I do with them?!

Well, the first thing I do is feel them.

And then…I put them on my Shit List!

There is something therapeutic about acknowledging the negative and then letting it go.

Sometimes, it comes back. That’s fine. Onto the list again. A shit list is actually a great tool to have because it:

Gets the negativity out of your head.

Helps you uncover patterns and serves as a roadmap to your challenges.

Validates your feelings OR shows you when you’re being a dumbass. ( The power of print! )

You can put anything you want on your list. People, experiences, objects, forces of nature. Whatevs. It’s all appropriate. We’re just making note of things that caused us suffering so we can acknowledge the negative and then… let it go.

With all that in mind I bring you: January’s Shit List

1. Alberta’s current government.

2. The creeps who prowl my neighbourhood, destroying and stealing property they go.

3. Mooshum, the worst watch dog in the history of watch dogs.

When said Creep walked by my fence that guy^didnt even look up from his sniffing.

4. The Flu, which not only got me but gave my 2 year old grandson a febrile seizure and tossed my 5 year old granddaughter into the hospital with pneumonia.

5. Carl’s Jr. who ignored us in the drive thru,leaving us to sit there for 5 minutes before we drove away. I was really craving a burger too. Grrr!

6. Wimpy cough candies. Why even bother making your product? Ricola, I’m looking at you.

7. Myself, for being a mindless, careless knitter and a clueless human. This is a whole post in itself.

8. Animal “rescues” who operate more like pet stores.

9. People who rain on your parade. Yes, Janice I know getting your finger pierced is probably am exercise in snagged fingers but LET ME HAVE MY THING! And Oh, I’m sure owning and operating my own business would be a lot of work, let me find that out for MYSELF instead of gracing me with your “expert” advice. Do you think the thought never occurred to me? What exactly is your point and what are you trying to prove?! It seems like any time I have an idea, share something cool on social media or make note of something unusual, there is always someone there to take a giant steamer on it. Get.out.of.here.with.your.negativity!

10. Advertising in Alberta: First, the phone message from The Brick – a large furniture store- who regularly calls to advertise their shit over the phone. This time, instead of the usual ” I’m so and so from The Brick!” in used car salesman voice the message was as such- ” Hi! How are you?!” long pause…as if the person were waiting for your response even though it’s most obviously a recorded message” Ha ha, just joking this is so and so from The Brick” Go Fuck Yourself with that stupid shit!

Then there’s this gem:

WHY? WHHHHHHY?!

I don’t live anywhere close to this neighbourhood! WHy are they sending me this and what does that photo have to do with teeth?! I hate capitalism.

11. My left ovary which feels like it has a cyst that’s trying to burst.

12. Unripe sapodilla’s that pretend to be ripe according to all sources but when you cut into said fruit of lies and take a big old bite out of a fruit that cost you 4 whole dollars, it so astringent that you have to spit it out into the sink and rinse your mouth out over and over again to repair the damage.

There, that should do it. One rant for every month of the year, ha. I feel better already. How about you? What’s on your SHit List this January?

New Year. Same Awesome You.

Happy New Year!

I love the fresh start of a new year but I detest all that “New Year, New You” bullshit.

It feels violent towards the self.

It feels like – YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! FIX YOURSELF!- and I’ve gotta tell you, I’ve already wasted TOO MANY of my good years on that scam. I’m not doing it anymore. I just can’t.

How can I claim to love who I am and then try and change who I am?

It just doesn’t make sense to me.

I am a perfect being of…light…energy…spirit…whatever you want to call it, and YOU ARE TOO!

Yes, I’m yelling. I feel strongly about this one.

It just seems like such a waste of precious time. We only get so long to live and I don’t want to waste it bullying myself with a hate campaign disguised as self improvement.

So instead I use this time of year to refocus and refresh.

I choose a word that I use as a guidepost throughout the year and my 2020 word is:

FLOW

Flow came to me over the Summer. I was enjoying life, flitting from one thing to another without an anxious thought or judgement. Simply living in the moment, mindful of the moment and nothing else. I had been in flow for about a month before realizing what it was and because it felt so good, I thought it’d make a good word for the next year.

So here I am, in flow.

This word serves as a reminder to let things go. To focus on what is at hand. To let the thoughts come and go as they will. To take each second as it comes with full acceptance. To step into the flow of life with gratitude for the experience and see where it takes me.

I’m excited for this one! It feels like freedom.

Do you choose a word to start off your year? Care to care?!

How about resolutions? I found a really great take on resolutions here for those of you who like to make them.

May your 2020 be everything you wish for ❤

F*ck Up Friday – Caught Ya!

Today’s F up, isn’t mine for once!

Let’s pause to celebrate this!

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com

If this was my job, the sign would read – It’s Been One Day Without A Work Place Accident

With all the recent crime in the neighbourhood I’ve been half excepting to come home and find some crook either climbing my locked gate or coming out of my locked yard. I fantasize about what I’d do- whip out my phone, take their photo, call the 5-0 – and what I’d do to them – Create a huge noisy ruckus and chase them away! OR, detain them (expertly, of course) until the cops arrive – It’s all great fun to imagine WHAT IF and it’s my favourite fantasy of the moment, because I am always the hero, ha.

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com

The hilarious thing is this JUST HAPPENED, only not exactly the way I’d imagined.

I’m trip tropping down the walk, home from a lovely meet up with two very lovely humans and what do I see as I approach my home? The mail carrier on the far side of my yard, hopping the fence!

(Most ackwardly too. It was quite the task for him. )

Whaaaaat? I think to myself, more curious than anything else. I know right away he’s not there to rob me, that wouldn’t smart of him, especially as he’s in uniform and I see him every day! So I continue on to my door and there he is, holding a package. Caught and flustered, ha!

“Did you make a mistake?” I ask. “Yep!” he replies. It seems he tossed the package over the fence onto my porch, realized he’d delivered it to the wrong house and then couldn’t get the package back because of my HIGH SECURITY SYSTEM:

Photo by eyeball3000 on Pexels.com

” I knocked on your window” he continues on ” But obviously you weren’t home. SO I hopped the fence. Got the dogs barking. I’m sorry! My name’s redacted to protect the honest and awkward. I’m your new carrier. I’m just learning the route!”

Ohh man, did I feel bad for him! We chatted for a bit, he thanked me for my understanding and we had a good laugh about it all. Although, I know the dude is probably just cringing inside, ha ha ha.

I got a huge kick out the whole thing and I’m grateful that while my fantasy kind of came true, it came true in a much more positive way! And I still got to be the hero! ❤

Have you made any mistakes this week? We all have our squirmy moments, I’m sure! Share them, in the interest of comradery and casting light onto shadows!

The Change- Micro Dosing with Melatonin for S.A.D

Stepping out onto my rotting wooden porch, a familiar feeling overcame me. A sensation I felt throughout my body. An organic, all knowing feeling of the truth in that moment.

I don’t usually make note of what exactly brings on this feeling. It’s not really all that important. I trust my instincts. The details dont really matter.

But this time I did take note…

The sky around me was a darker shade of blue, filled with puffy clouds. Both the sky and the clouds seemed closer to me than they had the day prior.

The air felt cool even though the sun was shining. Even though my favourite weather app told me it was 20 degrees C outside.

Autumn, my Friends! Autumn is in the air!

If you’re following along with me and my S.A.D journey/experience for yourself (and you’ve done your own research!) this is your reminder to start taking your micro dose ( .5 mg) of melatonin daily,( in the late afternoon) as soon as YOU feel Autumn in the air, wherever YOU live.

I’m excited to see if starting the melatonin micro dose now does me any greater good than it did last time. It sure helped me last night. I slept like the dead and woke up feeling less ugh than I have in the past four days.

What I’m trying to stave off are the three months of vile muck I go through every Fall when we lose the light. My wish, my fondest hope, my deepest desire is that by starting the melatonin as soon as I notice the light change from Summer to Fall, I will glide through the worst of it with a low grade soft depression as opposed to the hard angry kind.

I’ve given up all hope for a total cure. This is the way I am, because of where I live. Nothing short of moving to the Equator will cure me. ( An idea that has crossed my mind, believe you me!)

I won’t know if it’s worked until I’m out of the worst of it of course, and last time that didnt happen until mid November. Depression is an asshole that tricks you into thinking you’re just “fine” until you come out of it.

I scared myself last year. I’m >this< close to going to the Doc for meds which is something I don’t want to do hence this massive pre-emptive attack. ( I have a whole program planned) There is nothing wrong with meds, AT ALL. I just don’t want to take them. I’ve seen too many of my friends suffer from the wrong med or side effects and that has really turned me off them. BUT I will if things get unbearable. And if you decide to do that too, good for you! I hope you feel better.

For now though, I’ve got this experiment to keep me busy plus a few other tricks up my sleeve. I’ll continue to document my experience for those who need it. IN the meantime here’s a link, should this subject interest you!

Science Friday

And get moving on your Summer Fun! We’ve got 8 , EIGHT, weekends left!

Lunerday!

The celebration of my birth month continues. Just about two more weeks left. June is just whipping by us!

It’s been fun! I’ve thrown all routine out the window. Unless I have an appointment… I do what I want. This usually means being outside in the garden. Either weeding or reading. Strangely I find both equally relaxing. Weeding is actually really fun AND I’m developing a wicked tan!

Monday:

These were OK. Not as good as the Peek Freans version though.

Tuesday:

Palm Bay beverages are made in Vancouver, BC. My old stomping grounds! This was OK. Strong but quick passionfruit flavour, no raspberry that I could taste. Bit of a vodka-y after taste. Not the worst thing I’ve ever had but I probably wont buy them again.

Wednesday:

I am IN LOVE with these earrings! They’re made out of flowers! And they are just so cool looking. The colour is out of this world. Krista is a really cool person too. I met her (and bought these) at a local craft show, here in Edmonton. You can check out her site HERE which I see is under maintence SO you can find her here, on ETSY

Thursday:

I’m a sucker for handmade soap. These four are all delicious smelling AND the one I’m using now- Sophisticated Hippie- lathers up really nicely. I can tell its made with quality ingredients because my skin feels so soft and clean after each use. Apple Island Naturals is also in BC and are run by nice people! Check them out HERE.

Friday:

Isn’t this the cutest thing!? And given my current bird obsession, very appropriate! The eggs are such a vibrant teal and they’re opalescent…they glow against my skin. Handmade again, and the artisan was a lovely human. You can find her HERE. Tracey is in Calgary, AB.

Saturday:

Get in MY BELLY!

Yes, that is a hamburger. My FAVOURITE hamburger, a Teen Burger from A&W 🙂 Nom Nom Nom

You can now find me on Instagram >>>over there, in the sidebar. Follow me, if you’re so inclined.

I hope your weekend is going great! Love & Squishy Hugs. ❤