The celebration of my birth month continues. Just about two more weeks left. June is just whipping by us!
It’s been fun! I’ve thrown all routine out the window. Unless I have an appointment… I do what I want. This usually means being outside in the garden. Either weeding or reading. Strangely I find both equally relaxing. Weeding is actually really fun AND I’m developing a wicked tan!
Palm Bay beverages are made in Vancouver, BC. My old stomping grounds! This was OK. Strong but quick passionfruit flavour, no raspberry that I could taste. Bit of a vodka-y after taste. Not the worst thing I’ve ever had but I probably wont buy them again.
I am IN LOVE with these earrings! They’re made out of flowers! And they are just so cool looking. The colour is out of this world. Krista is a really cool person too. I met her (and bought these) at a local craft show, here in Edmonton. You can check out her site HERE which I see is under maintence SO you can find her here, on ETSY
I’m a sucker for handmade soap. These four are all delicious smelling AND the one I’m using now- Sophisticated Hippie- lathers up really nicely. I can tell its made with quality ingredients because my skin feels so soft and clean after each use. Apple Island Naturals is also in BC and are run by nice people! Check them out HERE.
Isn’t this the cutest thing!? And given my current bird obsession, very appropriate! The eggs are such a vibrant teal and they’re opalescent…they glow against my skin. Handmade again, and the artisan was a lovely human. You can find her HERE. Tracey is in Calgary, AB.
Yes, that is a hamburger. My FAVOURITE hamburger, a Teen Burger from A&W 🙂 Nom Nom Nom
You can now find me on Instagram >>>over there, in the sidebar. Follow me, if you’re so inclined.
I hope your weekend is going great! Love & Squishy Hugs. ❤
The festivities started early, when we all went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday, Miss. Sassafras’s dance recital and Mum’s visit!
On Saturday, my gift to myself were tickets to said dance recital and this glorious dinner:
On Sunday I went for an long walk and ended up at Chapters Indigo where I spent a good hour going through the wares. It felt so nice after two days and three weekends full of people, to be alone, doing my very own thing!
Monday’s gift was this little cube of deliciousness:
On Wednesday I went to MINISO and wandered around:
And then I had lunch at Popeyes!
Thrusday saw me paying off my library fines, nomming down this pretty confectionery:
and setting aside the time to watch Alone, on the History Channel. (Kind of bleak this year, although I did take special delight in seeing the dude who talked shit about people who talk to trees, being hauled off only four days in. I like to think that maybe the trees just didn’t like his nonsense…)
And Friday brings me to today, and this:
Its the perfect day for it too. Cool, windy and rainy. Exactly my jam! And with a good pile of books at the ready … I know what I’m doing all weekend! 🙂
This has been a great first birthday week! Giving presents to oneself every.single.day might seem totally self indulgent which is exactly the point! HA HA! AND it also reminds me to pause and take note of all the good around me. All the other things worth celebrating. This life I live, as it is.
What are you thankful for this week? What did you do, to celebrate another week of living?
The world is a Dumpster Fire at the moment and it’s been really getting to me. I am an anxious, pissed off, exhausted mess.
With yesterday’s energy hangover from four days with my squishy faced boy, it was especially bad. Had the world been hit by an asteroid, I would have been happy to go 🙂 but today after some rest and self care, I seem to be back to my normal self.
(The next time you’re “in a mood” remember that rest, food, water and self love are a curative thing and take care of yourself before you write yourself and the whole word off ❤ )
I’m still angry, tired and scared but with my energy stores refueled I know I can get through it all. Besides, all is impermanent.
Thank Goddess for that! Because see above re: Dumpster Fire.
( I am SO curious about HOW though! Will people finally come to their senses soon? Natural progression of our world? War? Civil uprising of everyone hurt by this racist system ? Civil uprising of *PWU and their allies? Gaia finally has enough and shakes us all off? )
*People with Uteri
I really, really, REALLY, REALLY,REALLY, hope this is all just the final push before we evolve into a better, more enlightened group of humans but I just don’t know and I can’t control any of it.
It would be easy to say I’m just focussing on the negative but holy hell, there is a LOT if negative shit happening! I may not be able to control it but I CAN control myself -mostly- and so I’ve joined the Pro-Life Coalition and a few underground networks working to help people with uteruses get the medical care they need. I’m very busy online being a strong voice for choice, body autonomy and all the rest too.
I’m educating myself better on racism and stopping to observe police interactions with POC whenever I come across them, and I’m calling out hatred, discrimination and injustice when I see it too. People think Canada is a safe place with very little racism…yeah…NO! It’s always been there, hidden under our polite veneer. I don’t know whether to thank the Orange Asshat for inspiring such openness or revile him as usual. I guess it’s “easier” to fight when it’s out in the open but it’s awful all the same.
I’m doing my small part to be a responsible citizen of the Earth and not damage our natural mother any further. Plastic! UGH! We are absolutely surrounded by it! It all just makes me want to cry.
I call out and educate where I can about all kinds of different things -take your pick, there are many to choose from!
I’m practicing mindfulness and open friendly compassion for all. Especially those who are hurting others. Even though I’d really like to punch them straight in the fucking teeth. ( Just in case you think I’m some sort of saintly human…)
I know that while none of this is enough to change this fucked up situation we’re in, if each of us DOES SOMETHING, the collective CAN and WILL affect positive change.
I can’t sit by and watch the world burn. I can’t sit by and watch people suffer.
It’s very tempting to turn it all off. Avoid all media. Stop talking to my fellow humans. It’s OH SO TEMPTING to switch myself into Super-Duper Positive Lael, the being I turn into during times of stress who ignores all the badstuff and lies to herself about what she’s witnessing and feeling. Or I could move myself out into the middle of fucking nowhere and go off grid…or hey invent a magic potion that enables me to go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.
What a luxury those choices would be!
But alas, if we all did that, those fuckers , ahem, hurting people who are hurting others would win and we can’t have that. I WON’T have that! Onward I go. I just need to be all dramatic about it first ❤
If you need to take a break from it all , take that break! If you need to scream for an hour in a field…SCREAM! If you need to do nothing but blast your favourite music and pull weeds furiously, do that!
Let’s just make sure we meet back here in a little bit and regroup 🙂
” I am not going into Autumn this year without a pair of f*cking sweatpants!” are words I actually yelled not so long ago.
I have no idea. Well, I mean I know why I want sweatpants. I don’t know why I was so fired up about the whole thing.
I tend to do that.
Obviously I was seeking comfort. ANd now that I think about it…I haven’t had a pair of sweatpants since 2010.
That IS a good reason to get all fired up!
I love sweatpants! Why am I denying myself so?!
It’s just not right.
The last pair of sweats I owned were pants of mystical proprortions.
I bought them in a crappy Zellers during a big scary move in the middle of a menstration emergency.
They were cheap.
They were in the men’s section.
They were huge.
They were soft and fuzzy.
They were an ugly shade of brown.
I was a desperate, bloodied woman.
They would do.
Those vile pants ended up being a the BEST PAIR OF PANTS I’d ever owned.
I am not kidding. I don’t know it was my mental state at the time or if someone put a magic spell of love, peace and comfort on them but those pants were like one giant security blanket in my life.
They were always soft. They didn’t rub or pull or tug or ride up anywhere. They kept me warm. They were strong and lasted for eight years with heavy use. I was very sad when I had to throw them out, a victim of a snagging accident in an inconvenient location.
I don’t think I’ve ever been as comfortable since.
So the quest is on! I shall find my next favourite pants. I shall wear them. I shall be cozy!
Do you have a favourite piece of clothing? Tell me about it!
As an End of Life Care doula we are taught to recognize, develop and honour rituals as we empower our clients and their families do the same.
We all have rituals in our daily lives
Rituals offer us comfort and familiarity.
Rituals help us make and take time to just be. Rituals bring us together and empower us in our aloneness.
They motivate us and give us a way to focus our attention and intentions.
They help us mark life events and give us opportunities in this crazy world to acknowledge the present moment with a reverence that doesn’t seem silly while allowing us to recognize the sacred of the day.
Here are some of mine:
Morning stumble to the bathroom, morning greeting with the dogs morning cup of coffee while I sit on the couch with my Hubs.
Thursday flier reading and grocery list writing.
Birthday celebrations. Mine and others. The cake, the candles, the presents.
My daily walk.
Watching the Sun rise and set.
Writing in my journal.
My evening personal well being check in with myself.
Think of some of yours.
I’m thinking about rituals because as a doula with the dying, it’ll be part of my role but also because I’m going to need my own ritual to help me cope with the losses I’m going to face.
Every single one of my clients is going to die. Sure, I’ve signed up for this and I wouldn’t do such a thing if I thought it would be an impossible task BUT I am still a human being. A sensitive human being and I’m going to need my own way to move through those losses that’s meaningful to me, and honours something about them personally.
But here’s another situation where a death ritual can be helpful.
Someone will die and while we don’t know them, we know of them, and we feel sad about their death. It’s a loss.
We might feel silly for this but those feelings are real, no matter what anyone says and it can be therapeutic to do something to honour them.
When George Michael died, I sat in the bathtub ALL DAY, playing his songs and mourned him. I was also mourning all the memories that went along with those songs. Our feelings can be pretty complicated.
You should have seen me when Princess Diana was killed…
Your emotions are usually about that person and something personal to you too.
ANYWAY, I’m not suggesting you go run a hot bath and cry over every person that dies but it can be very nice to do this:
Write the person’s name on a piece of paper. Hold them in your mind and think about what it is you so admire and appreciate.
Think about anything they gave you- Prince gave me Purple Rain and that gorgeous achey feeling I get every time I hear it. Luke Perry gave me Monday night doughnut parties with friends -and light yourself a candle. Then just let it burn for a bit.
( Please watch it. Don’t burn your house down)
Whenever you feel ready( keep a fire safe dish at the ready) light the paper on fire.
Thank the person, yourself and the memories with love as the paper burns. Do what you will with the ashes. Witchy Lael might suggest scattering them to the wind or burying them in the Earth. It doesn’t really matter.
What matters is that you’ve now done something, a small thing, a meaningful thing and allowed those feelings to be. Expressions of grief and honouring the dead are important and healing rituals. Hopefully this helps you. I find, its helped me.
Tell me about your daily rituals! What are your favourites? Do you have any sacred ones? Please share if you feel comfortable! ❤
When I was going through a very bad thing a few years ago, it became very apparent to me and ALL OTHERS that I really needed to do some work on my self worth. Realizing I had it, cultivating more of it, and nurturing it every day, forever more.
People tried to explain it to me and for lots of reasons I just couldn’t get it. It wasn’t sinking in. The problem I believe is that I was looking at it from a logical view point and logic while nice, is not my usual go to method of existing in the world. I need magic and whimsy. I need metaphors and stories. I need imagery and symbolism.
So I struggled and struggled but I kept on trying. In my trying I had many conversations with the people in my life about the subject and one of them was life changing.
“It’s like this” my supervisor said to me. This supervisor being a very strong, confident person of imposing bearing ” I know that no matter what’s happening, I AM the BOSS.” Stretching her bulk up straighter and throwing her shoulders back she continued ” I am the Queen!” She laughed, tossing her hair back as she strutted around the room. ” And I treat myself as such! Always. Without exception. I also don’t allow others to treat me badly because I know that I.Am.The.Boss in my life”
This woman really identified with being a boss. So much so that she went a little overboard and could be extremely overbearing. But there was wisdom in her words. I would never be comfortable with calling myself “boss” even though that’s an apt description but queen…queen was something I could definitely use!
And use it I did. It took awhile and there were many more conversations about self worth and self love, many more discoveries, lessons and realizations but I finally GOT IT and now the word Queen has great meaning to me. It spawned the huge realization in me that I really do LOVE MYSELF. I really do TRUST MYSELF.
I am a dignified Queen. That became my core mantra and soothing balm for all things. I bought myself a crown ring …
and charm for my bracelet..
so I would never forget.
There’s a tattoo in the works to literally drill it into me, ha ha.
I have to tell you, the day my husband bought me this:
I felt like the lesson I learned and the progress I’d made was visible to others too. Yahoo!
Self love/worth is an on going thing. It’s the continuing relationship between you and you. It’s your most important relationship and I’m so grateful for the lessons I learned, even if they did come late, because…wow, I feel so much lighter in this world and very queenly 😉
Do you have a word that signifies your own self worth? Please share! And if you’re struggling please know that you really are a person of worth, no matter what, simply by being alive! ❤
You might think as someone who’s training to be an End of Life Care Doula, I’d be completely comfortable with all things Death related.
I have spent time in a cardboard coffin after all and Death is my number one focus in life, behind reading and food. I must be so chill. I must be so brave and strong. I must not fear anything to do with Death at all!
Ha ha ha!
Yeah … NO.
Just last night, I woke in an absolute panic, chest pounding, mind racing because … I don’t have money set aside to pay for my funeral.
Once I calmed down, I had a good laugh at myself. I can immerse myself in Death but I can’t escape all the complicated emotions that go along with it. I have dreams like this with great regularity. The other night it was men in hooded black robes trying to hack their way into my house with farming tools and the night before that I was trying on some really fashionable shrouds.
I find it worse now actually. The further I delve into my practice, the more things come up for me. I’m grateful because I’d much rather work this stuff out now, than in a frenzied panic on my death bed.
(If I get a death bed. )
Some days, I even declare a “death free” day, as much as I can control that of course, because it all gets to be too much and I need to take a soothing break.
Most days, I’m Ok. I can think about it and read about it and learn about it and while I realize the gravity of it all, I am able to live a normal life, just like everyone else. But some days … some days I am ridden with anxiety and disbelief.
It happens to the “others”.
It’s going to happen to me too!
What is up with that?
I want to be open because I want other people to know that their feelings of fear et al, are completely normal and can be worked through. I might wake up in a panic sometimes, or cringe when I imagine the world without me but thinking about death and working through those feelings are valuable to me too. It’s a trade off for sure, but I’ve only grown because of it.
Death clarifies life.
It motivates me. If I realize I only have a finite period of time left to do the things I want to do, I’m going to do them! That’s why I went to Peru, even though I was scared to travel alone. That’s why, I went to Tanzania rather than buy myself a car. That’s why I stopped waiting for a perfect time to educate myself . I only have so many years yet. And none of them are guaranteed to be good or comfortable. None of them are guaranteed at all.
It puts all things into perspective. I’m not going to fight with people over stupid sh*t. The energy output is not worth my precious time.
I’d rather spend my time loving rather than hating, and just ignore the nonsense as best as I can. Hell, I even ignore the nasty weather. I hate it, that’s for sure but I’ve found my life is better if I just keep it in the background. Instead I focus on how good hot tea is or how nice fuzzy socks are. ( This is huge for a natural complainer like me. )
Death helps us live in the now, intentionally. I became the captain of my own ship. I choose. I decide. When you live intentionally you take responsibility for everything in your life and that my friends is freedom. Freedom is my jam.
When I live in the now, I’m really living my life, not just coasting through it wondering where the days ( months, years ) went.
So, facing death, even though I am as afraid as anyone can have its benefits.
These are just a few of the things that I think about. If you start using death as your advisor you’ll have your own things too.
It’s all OK. You can be scared AND still think about/ plan for/ talk about Death.
You wont die. Well you will, just not from that. 🙂 ❤
Talk to me about death. Are you fearful? Curious? Indifferent?