Micro Dosing with Melatonin- Spring Update

If you’re new here, I’ve been micro dosing with melatonin to ease my S.A.D symptoms, since ooohhh, the day I felt Autumn in the air. Around July 29, 2019 I think. I take .5 mg of melatonin in the late afternoon every day and write about my progress! If you’re interested in previous posts you can find them here, here, and here.

Spring! It’s been “spring” for a bit now.

At first, I really thought my “data” had been ruined by this pandemic.

When we hit Spring on March 19, 2020 we were well in the midst of this particular shit show and I was not feeling so good. I was anxious and just starting to slip into the blues.

BUT, in February when the pandemic was all but a ghost ship on the horizon, I was feeling just fine.

I wasn’t feeling any of the effects of S.A.D at all. Not a thing! I was clear and alert and…normal. What was also normal was the way I was feeling in the midst of a global pandemic.

It wouldn’t be fair to blame the slight case of blahs I felt in March on S.A.D.

Especially when said blues have poofed off into nothingness. People in the know are fully aware that S.A.D never just poofs off.

So ya know, I’m just going to call it: Melatonin works like a hot damn on my Seasonal Affective Disorder. It has successfully helped me through the long dark months and I’ll be doing it again next year. This time I’m going to start it earlier…closer to the Summer Solstice. July felt a little late…like I had to play catch up before feeling the positive benefits.

Some other things I’ve learned:

It’s not a magic cure, you still have to do the work. Practice good self care, mind your thoughts and be consistent with your dose.

Taking melatonin in the later months when your body doesn’t need it as much is going to be a whole different experience. I started taking my dose later because it wasn’t dark at 4pm and I found that it was making me very sleepy, very early. When this happens, it’s time to stop micro dosing. But listen to YOUR OWN BODY, not what I tell you to do. Your results will vary.

Do your own research on all of this yourself too. Don’t just listen to me. Make sure such a thing is right for you. Your doctor and Google – look for quality research papers- are your friend.

I still take melatonin in the evening if I notice my sleep getting wonky. I think this is just as important as the micro dosing and I should have been doing this all along. Good sleep is important to your mental health.

There you have it 🙂 I think every year is going to be different and I’m probably going to learn new things as I go along still but I feel confident that micro dosing with melatonin is a great helper in my mental health toolbox.

Have you tried micro dosing? How did it work for you?

Melatonin Update- Part Three

This post is part of my experience with using melatonin as an aid to lessen the negative side effects of Seasonal Depression Disorder. You can read previous posts HERE and HERE.

We’re moving into the depth of Winter darkness and I thought now would be a great time to do another update on how the micro dosing with melatonin is working for me and the S.A.D.

My hope is to offer a real time testimonial for fellow sufferers and shed some light upon the condition for everyone else.

More specifically, for anyone who needs to be educated because while most people have a clue and are decent, I think there are still people out there who think depression is something that can be willed away with positive thinking and essential oils.

October was excellent. Historically this is a challenging month but I got through it amazing well. SO well in fact that I was simultaneously thrilled for myself and relieved as the calendar switched over. Suck it October! You didn’t win this time!

November was going on swimmingly as well until Carolyn died and the last week or so of the month was a challenge. Grief is not the same as S.A.D. and feeling all the feels is to be expected. I miss her dearly and am angry that cancer took her but I’m so grateful that she was in my life and am happy her suffering is over. I feel sad but I don’t feel SAD, ya know?

S.A.D wise I was still going good. Light moods, full acceptance of the weather- I even found myself ENJOYING IT!- I was living each day, as it was, in the moment.

Photo by Anthony on Pexels.com

December. Oh dark December. We’re what … nine days in..and I am feeling it!

It’s so dark! I can’t seem to get enough light, no matter how many times I go out in the sun or how many lights I turn on in the house. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even put on my sunglasses because I’m trying to get as much light into my body as I can.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

And my brain is SO foggy. I keep cleaning my glasses thinking they are the culprit -maybe its burnt corneas, heh- but the feeling persists. It’s not my eyes, its my brain.

Photo by Harrison Haines on Pexels.com

I find I’m also unable to take my thoughts and turn them into words, spoken or written. I have the thoughts and the ideas, I just cant get them out. I’m still able to read – THANK YOU GODDESS-but writing and communicating is a bit of a challenge. My Hubs who loves the quiet is even giving me sideways looks because I’m so inward. I feel like I’m sort of trapped behind this gauzy veil that actually made of steel or something. Boooooo!!

Having said all that, the melatonin is still working. I take it every day-plus my vitamin D- and I am still doing better than I have been in years past.

I know right?! I’d say through October and November I was operating at around 95%. I still had to do the work- self care, good brain hygiene – but it was easy enough to do and I had clarity and way more good days than bad. Win, win win!

December is proving to be more of a challenge as the light fades away but I’m still doing WAY BETTER than I have in the past. I am operating at 75%.

The challenges I’m facing are not consistent every day. I do have GOOD days.

I’m planning Yule festivities with excitement instead of dread.

I’m still exercising. Even when I don’t want to.

Instead of being mean to myself about not writing or being social, I’m able to recognize that it’s not me being a flaky ass, it’s my brain doing its thing and eventually that symptom will go away and I’ll be at it again once more.

I’m able and willing to engage in good self care and I’m still deriving pleasure from most of the things I love.

I have peace, calm and wisdom and while visual and verbal/typed clarity is a challenge, I still have mental clarity and as anybody with depression of any kind knows, that is huge!

So despite December’s darkness the melatonin is still helping and my brain health has improved with it.

The light starts to come back soon and before you know it we’ll be on the upswing to Spring with light, glorious light! Ha Ha. I’ll do an update again in February.

Love, Squishy Hugs and a Happy Monday to YOU! ❤

The Change- Micro Dosing with Melatonin for S.A.D

Stepping out onto my rotting wooden porch, a familiar feeling overcame me. A sensation I felt throughout my body. An organic, all knowing feeling of the truth in that moment.

I don’t usually make note of what exactly brings on this feeling. It’s not really all that important. I trust my instincts. The details dont really matter.

But this time I did take note…

The sky around me was a darker shade of blue, filled with puffy clouds. Both the sky and the clouds seemed closer to me than they had the day prior.

The air felt cool even though the sun was shining. Even though my favourite weather app told me it was 20 degrees C outside.

Autumn, my Friends! Autumn is in the air!

If you’re following along with me and my S.A.D journey/experience for yourself (and you’ve done your own research!) this is your reminder to start taking your micro dose ( .5 mg) of melatonin daily,( in the late afternoon) as soon as YOU feel Autumn in the air, wherever YOU live.

I’m excited to see if starting the melatonin micro dose now does me any greater good than it did last time. It sure helped me last night. I slept like the dead and woke up feeling less ugh than I have in the past four days.

What I’m trying to stave off are the three months of vile muck I go through every Fall when we lose the light. My wish, my fondest hope, my deepest desire is that by starting the melatonin as soon as I notice the light change from Summer to Fall, I will glide through the worst of it with a low grade soft depression as opposed to the hard angry kind.

I’ve given up all hope for a total cure. This is the way I am, because of where I live. Nothing short of moving to the Equator will cure me. ( An idea that has crossed my mind, believe you me!)

I won’t know if it’s worked until I’m out of the worst of it of course, and last time that didnt happen until mid November. Depression is an asshole that tricks you into thinking you’re just “fine” until you come out of it.

I scared myself last year. I’m >this< close to going to the Doc for meds which is something I don’t want to do hence this massive pre-emptive attack. ( I have a whole program planned) There is nothing wrong with meds, AT ALL. I just don’t want to take them. I’ve seen too many of my friends suffer from the wrong med or side effects and that has really turned me off them. BUT I will if things get unbearable. And if you decide to do that too, good for you! I hope you feel better.

For now though, I’ve got this experiment to keep me busy plus a few other tricks up my sleeve. I’ll continue to document my experience for those who need it. IN the meantime here’s a link, should this subject interest you!

Science Friday

And get moving on your Summer Fun! We’ve got 8 , EIGHT, weekends left!

M is for *Melatonin For S.A.D. A-Z Challenge.

Have any of you read the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson? There’s Netflix series of the same name…???

In the book, a group of people hole up in a haunted house and aim to do an investigation of sorts and all kinds of weird shit goes down. The brilliance of the story is that one never really knows if the hauntings of place and people are true hauntings or the results of a mental disorder. It’s creepy, thought provoking stuff.

When I read it I was shook! It reminded me of something that happens to ME, every Autumn.

DO I live in a Haunted House…..???? !!!

Ha. I wish I was so lucky!

No.

As the Summer light fades to a brilliant Fall, a change comes over me. I know its coming and try my best to stop it but somehow how it always gets me! S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder, known usually as Seasonal Depression.

Even with the typical treatment you hear about, light therapy, vitamins, diet and exercise, cognitive therapy…I turn from my normal cheery, positive self to a hate filled monster. The physical symptoms are bad enough, aches and pains. Low energy. Sleep issues. What bothers me the most is the change to ME. I fixate on people and things in a hateful way. I decide that they are JUST THE WORST and spend all of September and October despising everything and everyone, until I pop up again for air in mid November and realize I’ve been overtaken again.

It all feels so normal when I’m in it. I really believe the things I’m thinking are true and valid. Thank Goddess for self control and clarity. And to all of you suffering with a year long depression disorder. High Five for making it through the everyday.

BUT when I came up for air this past November, I found something very helpful. I don’t even remember where I heard about it … Micro dosing with melatonin. One takes a wee amount, in the late afternoon, like 1mg and carries on like usual. It doesn’t make you sleepy but it does help with
circadian misalignment which is a major part of SAD.

I haven’t tried it through the worst of my seasonal depression but I did notice a positive change when I did in November. I felt better over all, both physically and mentally. I felt lighter and brighter and the usual “last hurrah” of illness that strikes me in February, didn’t make an appearance. That’s pretty amazing since I’ve been dealing with this since I was a child. The true test will be this Autumn and I am ever hopeful! I’m going to take when I notice Summer fade to Fall in addition to all my other treatments. Check back with me here, around mid November for an update!

Now, I’m a nut. Not a doctor. So PLEASE, if you suffer so and think this all sounds very interesting do your own research. Here is a link to get you started.

Untreated S.A.D can turn into something a lot more invasive so I urge you to seek help from your doctor too.

Do any of you suffer with S.A.D in the Winter? What have you found helpful?

Let It Settle.

I have a job interview today for a position in my field at a place of higher learning.

When I applied for the job I was most interested. The work is something I care deeply about, the hours are part time, reasonable and convenient. The wage is decent and the job is honourable.

Then I was called for an interview.

CUE THE FREAKING OUT!

Ha Ha Ha!

“I’m not educated enough. I’ve never worked with adults. Maybe I don’t want to travel ALL that way to work. I’m not even really an adult myself. I’m too quirky. I’m not professional enough. I only want the job because of ego. “

“THEY’LL SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME!”

Such is my anxious mind 🙂

I sat with the feelings as my mind did it’s thing. I let the thoughts come and go, I let the feelings sit like a rock in my throat and pound out of my chest. I decided I would not address anything until it all settled and I was calm.

Once that happened – it took ALL NIGHT LONG- I realized that I would regret not trying for the position, a position that in my non anxious state I was REALLY interested in, and called the person back to arrange for an interview and it all went well and fine. I didn’t embarrass myself. I sounded like a normal, capable human being. There was nothing to see through because I was my self.

But oh Good Goddess, what a process to get to that point.

All this, for a job interview! 🙂

Such is life with an over active nervous system!

I’m sharing this with you because I want to show the people who need to see this, how an anxious brain works AND how you can overcome that anxiety and be OK.

The thoughts came through me rapidly, one after the other after the other. I stopped to listen to them at first but then quickly realized a. they were just thoughts and they were neither true nor false b. there were too many of them to adequately address them all so it was better to let them float on by until they stopped.

And they did. And I was able to get clear and make a decision based in truth and wisdom.

All this, thanks to meditation. Meditating daily, gives me the pause in life to see through the anxious thoughts and feelings and allows my own wisdom and guidance to kick in. Without that pause, without that little gap in between the panic, my inner compass would not have had its say and I would have probably ignored the call and been angry with myself till the end of time, wondering about what could have been.

That would have been most unkind of me. I owe it to myself to try.

So, there is hope my friends! There is hope.

Sitting there after my conversation with the interviewer, I was struck by how calm I was. I wasn’t anxious or afraid at all, and yet the story I was telling myself was that I was scared. But upon examination, I was excited and curious. Once again, the anxiety lied like it always does.

That is lesson number two. Anxiety- and depression- lie.

As for me, I’ll probably have another freak out before the interview. And I’ll be fine, as I always am.

I’m just very grateful to be even chosen to interview for this position. It is a big deal! And an honour to be considered. No matter what happens, I feel like I’ve won already 🙂

What has your experience with anxiety been like? Can you share something that has helped you? What advice would you give to a nervous interviewee?