I know I sound like a broken record when I say this but I’m saying it anyway: Where did May go? How is it possible for time to just zoom by like this?
May Shit List
Opioids and the doctors that prescribe them to children in a care free, willy nilly way. ( This is how my 19 year old nephew died )
My shoulder which seems to be permanently disabled.
Myself, for losing the power cord to a very expensive camera!
This worm for crawling right in my path, trapping me in the car.
The person who assaulted this 84 year old woman out watering her lawn. There’s video footage of the douche bag. Check it out, see if you know him then report his ass.
Any weather from the North that continues to INSIST UPON ITSELF in May. Go on, get out of here! Don’t come back until December.
Aaaannnnd, I think that’s it!
Not too bad for an entire month. I’m finding this practice therapeutic and positive. I know! Doesn’t that seem counter intuitive? Seeing things that make me mad, in print, takes away their power and clears a path for other things. Like grief and humour. Like acceptance and resiliency.
How was your month in this regard? What is making you mad these days?!
Can you believe we’re already nearing the end of April? Shocking!
It hasn’t been the worst month, pandemic aside but still, I’ve got some things on the ole shit list. Some pretty bad things too.
* If you’re new here, read about my Shit Lists HERE.
T.S Elliot was right, for different reasons.
“April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain.”
Here are mine:
1. My Uterus. It has an agenda of its own and that agenda is to make me suffer. Sure the IUD has slowed the constant bleeding but everything else remains exactly the same. I’m >thisclose< to performing a home hysterectomy.
2. The person who was quick to remind and caution me, most pointedly, that my son- who has struggled with addiction- was once also a sparkly eyed curious little boy, when I was describing my grandchild as such. Like what does that even mean?! And what exactly was your intention? And how stupid are you? DO you really think all sparkly eyed curious boys grow up to become drug addicts? What exactly were you warning me against? And what did you expect me to do with said warning? Stop loving my babies? I’m perplexed…oh and also:
Now obviously I should be posing my questions to said person but I was shocked out of my gourd. Stunned. This is a person who is supposed to be a close friend. Anyway, this was a great reminder to watch my own mouth and be careful what I say and to remember that people say stupid shit all the time and may not mean anything cruel by it…but still, I am allowed to be angry and therefore…onto the shit list it goes!
3. The employee of my husband’s who came in to work SICK! It’s been 14 + days and we’re still ok so phew! Social distancing works. It was scary there for a little while though. Every sneeze and sniffle, every cough and tickle edged up the anxiety.
4. Whatever it was that killed my nephew in March. He wasn’t even 22. I dont know how he died – I’m no contact with my first family under the guidance of mental health professionals.- but it was described as sudden and senseless. What an awful, awful thing.
5. The 8mm mass in my daughter in law’s BRAIN, that is not only messing up her life but which also comes with some very scary risks for removal. This girl isn’t even 30 and she’s already had to deal with so much in her life. She takes superb care of my granddaughter and she’s sweet and loving and fun. I know life isn’t fair and nobody deserves this shit but still, I’m gonna say it- She’s been through more than her fair share already.
6. People not skilled in listening and/or reading comprehension who just LOVE to shoot their mouth off. Stop. Slow down. Pay attention and then respond. I know we all do this sometimes. I do it! And I cringe every.single.time I realize my mistake, ha! I’m talking about the people who are not so self aware and regularly “communicate” this way.
7. My little pup who is coyote bait but insists upon being outside constantly now that the weather is warm. In and out. In and out. Guess who else gets to go in and out? In and out? Yeah…me. And it’s not like she does anything important while we’re out there! No pees, no poos. She barks at random things…eats grass…chases bugs. All the while I stand there supervising. She is driving me crazy and I think we’re going to have to build a higher fence just for her.
Alrighty! That felt good! I got the shitty things out of my head and I’m ready to move on toward the good. Here’s something to ponder in the meantime:
I used to think that in order to be a sunshiny, sugar sweet kind of person, I had to avoid all things that were negative. Life quickly taught me that was an impossible task! And so I found myself obsessively hiding the ugly stuff in life. Or glossing it up with lies and excusing it with pseudo science and platitudes.
For the LONGEST time I thought there was something wrong with me!
Why aren’t any of these positive thoughts working on any of my problems!?!?!?!?!?
Then as I delved deeper in my practice and I learned that all humans suffer. That suffering is a fact of life and a shared experience for all 7 billion of us, I felt great relief but I was still stuck with all these negative feelings. What the hell do I do with them?!
Well, the first thing I do is feel them.
And then…I put them on my Shit List!
There is something therapeutic about acknowledging the negative and then letting it go.
Sometimes, it comes back. That’s fine. Onto the list again. A shit list is actually a great tool to have because it:
Gets the negativity out of your head.
Helps you uncover patterns and serves as a roadmap to your challenges.
Validates your feelings OR shows you when you’re being a dumbass. ( The power of print! )
You can put anything you want on your list. People, experiences, objects, forces of nature. Whatevs. It’s all appropriate. We’re just making note of things that caused us suffering so we can acknowledge the negative and then… let it go.
With all that in mind I bring you: January’s Shit List
1. Alberta’s current government.
2. The creeps who prowl my neighbourhood, destroying and stealing property they go.
3. Mooshum, the worst watch dog in the history of watch dogs.
4. The Flu, which not only got me but gave my 2 year old grandson a febrile seizure and tossed my 5 year old granddaughter into the hospital with pneumonia.
5. Carl’s Jr. who ignored us in the drive thru,leaving us to sit there for 5 minutes before we drove away. I was really craving a burger too. Grrr!
6. Wimpy cough candies. Why even bother making your product? Ricola, I’m looking at you.
7. Myself, for being a mindless, careless knitter and a clueless human. This is a whole post in itself.
8. Animal “rescues” who operate more like pet stores.
9. People who rain on your parade. Yes, Janice I know getting your finger pierced is probably am exercise in snagged fingers but LET ME HAVE MY THING! And Oh, I’m sure owning and operating my own business would be a lot of work, let me find that out for MYSELF instead of gracing me with your “expert” advice. Do you think the thought never occurred to me? What exactly is your point and what are you trying to prove?! It seems like any time I have an idea, share something cool on social media or make note of something unusual, there is always someone there to take a giant steamer on it. Get.out.of.here.with.your.negativity!
10. Advertising in Alberta: First, the phone message from The Brick – a large furniture store- who regularly calls to advertise their shit over the phone. This time, instead of the usual ” I’m so and so from The Brick!” in used car salesman voice the message was as such- ” Hi! How are you?!” long pause…as if the person were waiting for your response even though it’s most obviously a recorded message” Ha ha, just joking this is so and so from The Brick” Go Fuck Yourself with that stupid shit!
Then there’s this gem:
I don’t live anywhere close to this neighbourhood! WHy are they sending me this and what does that photo have to do with teeth?! I hate capitalism.
11. My left ovary which feels like it has a cyst that’s trying to burst.
12. Unripe sapodilla’s that pretend to be ripe according to all sources but when you cut into said fruit of lies and take a big old bite out of a fruit that cost you 4 whole dollars, it so astringent that you have to spit it out into the sink and rinse your mouth out over and over again to repair the damage.
There, that should do it. One rant for every month of the year, ha. I feel better already. How about you? What’s on your SHit List this January?
Being currently currently obsessed with hiking videos, this >🐥Chick🐥< is on YouTube all.the.time. There be vlogs, gear reviews, tips and tricks of people walking long trails, preparing to walk long trails or talking about their past long trails to watch and it’s an awesome way to pass these cold days . I almost feel like I’m really out there too and it’s giving me great insight into the honest truth of what a big thru hike looks like.
But when I’m not watching people live and breathe hiking, I’m watching cooking videos!
There is something so calming about the simple act of making food.
Watching raw ingredients turn into either works of art, or bowls and plates of homey goodness.
I love to watch people cooking their traditional foods and speak a language I don’t speak too. It’s fun to try and figure out what word means what ingredient! And I think my Spanish might be improving!
Some videos have no music or talking at all.Those are nice too, like being in a library or a place of worship.
The experience of watching these videos feels safe and familiar . Restorative too. I find myself comforted in knowing that, even though the human world is fraught with chaos, there will always be someone in a kitchen, somewhere, making a meal for themselves and their loved ones. Insert happy sigh here. 🙂
Here are a few of my favourite channels:
Di mi Rancho a Tu Cocina.
And then we have the ever sensual Nigella:
And quirky Chef John!
Do you enjoy watching people cook? Do you have a favourite channel or site? Please share!
I have curly hair and frankly, it can be a pain in the ass.
It’s not curly enough to be well defined in any predicable manner but it’s just curly enough so that wearing it straight requires a lot of work. Oils, and creams, a special hair dryer too! Wearing it curly requires a lot of work too. The products, the plopping, the scrunching…ugh.
I’m not a high maintence person. Hell I’m barely a person! I cant be bothered to do the work. I usually manipulate it into some sort of neat (er) placement on my head and let it air dry , hoping all the while I don’t end up with what I like to call ” witch hair”
Spoiler alert, I usually have witch hair. But it’s MY witch hair and I’ve stopping hating on it. At least it’s versitile, right?!
Despite my moaning, I do LOVE curly hair. When I see it on another human I am struck by how appealing it is to the eye. And when those curls are on one of my Beloveds? Well, that is pure bliss!
I feel for him later on but still…LOOK AT THAT HAIR!!! *swoon.
What’s your hair type? Have you accepted it’s existance on your head or do you long for something else? Do you have any simple pleasures regarding hair? Mmmm….head massages….there’s a good one!
3. Racing the volatile June weather. Sometimes I make it home in time…sometimes I don’t!
4. Drying all my herbs and roots!
5. Spring flowers!
6. Making friends with wild Ravens:
7. Sitting comfortably outside to read my books, watch the sky or just be.
8. When everybody gets along and the general energy amongst all is good cheer.
9. Gigantic salads for dinner. This one HERE, was particularly good. Mind you I didn’t bother with slicing the lettuce into a slab- I chopped it up because who wants to fuss eating a salad with a freaking knife and fork!?- and the recipes says peaches but if you look at the recipes their very own photo shows nectarines… I used nectarines too!
10. Dorky hats. I didn’t buy this super cool fishing hat because I have a million floppy hats but still…floppy hats are just fun!
11. Getting good mail. Packages, surprise cheques, letters or cool catalogues.
12. Feeling the very wet underside of my little dog as she jumps all over me, after she’s been outside in the rain.
13. Having an animated chat with my daughter on the phone.
14. Funny texts from my son that tell me he’s come back to me. It seems I have my boy back. Not the drug addicted human but the boy I know and love.
15. My first moto ride of the season even if it was two hours TOO long and my body hurt for days, ha ha.
16. Hoop earrings I can close with a simple and satisfying click.
17. That compact feeling you get when you’ve been consistent with your core exercises and good posture.
18. Cat frog legs and toe beans!
19. The sun shining in my eyes at 930 PM (!!!!) forcing me to put my sunglasses on to read in my house, ha ha. I adore these nights leading to to Solstice. I stay up so late because I’m just not tired at my usual time with the sun still blaring away at me. This year I’m giving myself over to it. I’m letting myself fall into step with the cycles of the earth.
20. SOLSTICE!!! 95 days of Summer( here in the Northern hemisphere. )Well, technically sure. But in actuality…after these first few days these Summer days start getting shorter and the weather starts making it’s turn toward Autumn. Enjoy the sun and the warmer days while you still can. I don’t think I’ve worn shoes in weeks, ha ha, even with the rain. Do I sound negative? Not my intention! I’m trying to remind myself of the impermanence of all things and that I need to make the most of Summer while it’s here. Maybe that will help me come Autumn. Fingers crossed!
OK, now it’s your turn. Tell me, what are some of the little things you love?
” I am not going into Autumn this year without a pair of f*cking sweatpants!” are words I actually yelled not so long ago.
I have no idea. Well, I mean I know why I want sweatpants. I don’t know why I was so fired up about the whole thing.
I tend to do that.
Obviously I was seeking comfort. ANd now that I think about it…I haven’t had a pair of sweatpants since 2010.
That IS a good reason to get all fired up!
I love sweatpants! Why am I denying myself so?!
It’s just not right.
The last pair of sweats I owned were pants of mystical proprortions.
I bought them in a crappy Zellers during a big scary move in the middle of a menstration emergency.
They were cheap.
They were in the men’s section.
They were huge.
They were soft and fuzzy.
They were an ugly shade of brown.
I was a desperate, bloodied woman.
They would do.
Those vile pants ended up being a the BEST PAIR OF PANTS I’d ever owned.
I am not kidding. I don’t know it was my mental state at the time or if someone put a magic spell of love, peace and comfort on them but those pants were like one giant security blanket in my life.
They were always soft. They didn’t rub or pull or tug or ride up anywhere. They kept me warm. They were strong and lasted for eight years with heavy use. I was very sad when I had to throw them out, a victim of a snagging accident in an inconvenient location.
I don’t think I’ve ever been as comfortable since.
So the quest is on! I shall find my next favourite pants. I shall wear them. I shall be cozy!
Do you have a favourite piece of clothing? Tell me about it!
As you all know, this Winter has been a cold one. ( As Winters are…) I’ve survived mostly by keeping the cold goings on, in the background. I don’t remark about it, I don’t pay any attention to it. I focus on whatever is in front of me at the time. It’s been working great and has allowed me to start noticing all the LOVELY things about Winter, all the little gifts from the cold. Like:
Hot laundry on a cold day!
There is something so comforting about folding hot laundry when you’re freezing your ass off. Its not just the temperature that makes me feel good, its the great contrast between temperatures. Icy air against burning hot fabric. The hot makes the cold feel GOOD! Which in my mind, is something of a miracle 🙂 I may almost miss this one. I may even look forward to this come Summer…whaaaaaaat?!
With Spring well on her way, our lives are heading for a big change! The things we find pleasurable will change so I want to know, what are some of your Winter pleasures?
I don’t often eat toast because my body burns through it like crazy BUT I sure do appreciate the eff out of it when I do.
Why? Well, there is nothing like hot buttered toast. The hot bread, in all it’s toasty goodness. The salted butter soaking in on every square inch of each slice. The crispy, creamy, crunchy textures cooperating together in each bite.
It is a thing of beauty and one of life’s simple pleasures.
I first came to love a simple roast beef sandwich, 26 years ago whilst standing in the kitchen with future mother in law.
I’d had them before, but usually always with deli meat, never an actual piece of roasted meat. This just screamed comfort to me. Hominess. I was a girl who craved such things even as a young 19 year old.
I can remember Mum apologizing for serving me leftovers – I think I was over for lunch that day-and I thought she was so cute. Leftovers! Like having REAL left over roast beef in sandwiches was a bad thing. I don’t think there was ever a day in my own family where we’d ever had such a thing. Her left overs were my luxury!
We ate happily together and that sandwich has stayed with me ever since. It was so simple yet so good. Quality ingredients put together well.
In the years since, I’ve fine tuned my version of the sandwiches we ate that day. My meat is barely cooked – hers was WELL, well done- I add salt and pepper and slather on way more butter than Mum ever would. Sometimes, my meat is spiced, sometimes its plain. But its always basically the same- meat, white bread, and butter. Yum!
What’s your favourite way to enjoy a roast beef sandwich?