Sh*T List May 2020

I know I sound like a broken record when I say this but I’m saying it anyway: Where did May go? How is it possible for time to just zoom by like this?

May Shit List

  • Relativity.
  • Opioids and the doctors that prescribe them to children in a care free, willy nilly way. ( This is how my 19 year old nephew died )
  • My shoulder which seems to be permanently disabled.
  • Myself, for losing the power cord to a very expensive camera!
  • This worm for crawling right in my path, trapping me in the car.
  • Allergies.
  • The person who assaulted this 84 year old woman out watering her lawn. There’s video footage of the douche bag. Check it out, see if you know him then report his ass.
  • Any weather from the North that continues to INSIST UPON ITSELF in May. Go on, get out of here! Don’t come back until December.

Aaaannnnd, I think that’s it!

Not too bad for an entire month. I’m finding this practice therapeutic and positive. I know! Doesn’t that seem counter intuitive? Seeing things that make me mad, in print, takes away their power and clears a path for other things. Like grief and humour. Like acceptance and resiliency.

How was your month in this regard? What is making you mad these days?!

Micro Dosing with Melatonin- Spring Update

If you’re new here, I’ve been micro dosing with melatonin to ease my S.A.D symptoms, since ooohhh, the day I felt Autumn in the air. Around July 29, 2019 I think. I take .5 mg of melatonin in the late afternoon every day and write about my progress! If you’re interested in previous posts you can find them here, here, and here.

Spring! It’s been “spring” for a bit now.

At first, I really thought my “data” had been ruined by this pandemic.

When we hit Spring on March 19, 2020 we were well in the midst of this particular shit show and I was not feeling so good. I was anxious and just starting to slip into the blues.

BUT, in February when the pandemic was all but a ghost ship on the horizon, I was feeling just fine.

I wasn’t feeling any of the effects of S.A.D at all. Not a thing! I was clear and alert and…normal. What was also normal was the way I was feeling in the midst of a global pandemic.

It wouldn’t be fair to blame the slight case of blahs I felt in March on S.A.D.

Especially when said blues have poofed off into nothingness. People in the know are fully aware that S.A.D never just poofs off.

So ya know, I’m just going to call it: Melatonin works like a hot damn on my Seasonal Affective Disorder. It has successfully helped me through the long dark months and I’ll be doing it again next year. This time I’m going to start it earlier…closer to the Summer Solstice. July felt a little late…like I had to play catch up before feeling the positive benefits.

Some other things I’ve learned:

It’s not a magic cure, you still have to do the work. Practice good self care, mind your thoughts and be consistent with your dose.

Taking melatonin in the later months when your body doesn’t need it as much is going to be a whole different experience. I started taking my dose later because it wasn’t dark at 4pm and I found that it was making me very sleepy, very early. When this happens, it’s time to stop micro dosing. But listen to YOUR OWN BODY, not what I tell you to do. Your results will vary.

Do your own research on all of this yourself too. Don’t just listen to me. Make sure such a thing is right for you. Your doctor and Google – look for quality research papers- are your friend.

I still take melatonin in the evening if I notice my sleep getting wonky. I think this is just as important as the micro dosing and I should have been doing this all along. Good sleep is important to your mental health.

There you have it πŸ™‚ I think every year is going to be different and I’m probably going to learn new things as I go along still but I feel confident that micro dosing with melatonin is a great helper in my mental health toolbox.

Have you tried micro dosing? How did it work for you?

April 2020 Sh*T List.

Can you believe we’re already nearing the end of April? Shocking!

It hasn’t been the worst month, pandemic aside but still, I’ve got some things on the ole shit list. Some pretty bad things too.

* If you’re new here, read about my Shit Lists HERE.

T.S Elliot was right, for different reasons.

β€œApril is the cruelest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
memory and desire, stirring
dull roots with spring rain.”

Here are mine:

1. My Uterus. It has an agenda of its own and that agenda is to make me suffer. Sure the IUD has slowed the constant bleeding but everything else remains exactly the same. I’m >thisclose< to performing a home hysterectomy.

2. The person who was quick to remind and caution me, most pointedly, that my son- who has struggled with addiction- was once also a sparkly eyed curious little boy, when I was describing my grandchild as such. Like what does that even mean?! And what exactly was your intention? And how stupid are you? DO you really think all sparkly eyed curious boys grow up to become drug addicts? What exactly were you warning me against? And what did you expect me to do with said warning? Stop loving my babies? I’m perplexed…oh and also:

Now obviously I should be posing my questions to said person but I was shocked out of my gourd. Stunned. This is a person who is supposed to be a close friend. Anyway, this was a great reminder to watch my own mouth and be careful what I say and to remember that people say stupid shit all the time and may not mean anything cruel by it…but still, I am allowed to be angry and therefore…onto the shit list it goes!

3. The employee of my husband’s who came in to work SICK! It’s been 14 + days and we’re still ok so phew! Social distancing works. It was scary there for a little while though. Every sneeze and sniffle, every cough and tickle edged up the anxiety.

4. Whatever it was that killed my nephew in March. He wasn’t even 22. I dont know how he died – I’m no contact with my first family under the guidance of mental health professionals.- but it was described as sudden and senseless. What an awful, awful thing.

5. The 8mm mass in my daughter in law’s BRAIN, that is not only messing up her life but which also comes with some very scary risks for removal. This girl isn’t even 30 and she’s already had to deal with so much in her life. She takes superb care of my granddaughter and she’s sweet and loving and fun. I know life isn’t fair and nobody deserves this shit but still, I’m gonna say it- She’s been through more than her fair share already.

6. People not skilled in listening and/or reading comprehension who just LOVE to shoot their mouth off. Stop. Slow down. Pay attention and then respond. I know we all do this sometimes. I do it! And I cringe every.single.time I realize my mistake, ha! I’m talking about the people who are not so self aware and regularly “communicate” this way.

7. My little pup who is coyote bait but insists upon being outside constantly now that the weather is warm. In and out. In and out. Guess who else gets to go in and out? In and out? Yeah…me. And it’s not like she does anything important while we’re out there! No pees, no poos. She barks at random things…eats grass…chases bugs. All the while I stand there supervising. She is driving me crazy and I think we’re going to have to build a higher fence just for her.

She’s “guarding” the cookie behind her. This is a dog who barks and growls at Bison like she even stands a chance so maybe the coyotes should be scared of her!

Alrighty! That felt good! I got the shitty things out of my head and I’m ready to move on toward the good. Here’s something to ponder in the meantime:

Ha! Right?!

What would you put on your Shit List?

COVID 19 Anxiety.

How are you holding out? Are you feeling anxious?

I thought I was doing pretty good until I noticed I was sniping at my husband and growing more scattered than normal. A stranger on an article about anxiety mentioned in the comments that she felt like her head was going to “pop off” and my light switch flipped on. That’s how I was feeling too!

The great thing about this was that as soon as I recognized it in myself, I felt better! I’m doing pretty good now. Still anxious but not unaware and able to take action to care for myself, as needed. Here are some things that helped me. I hope, if you are feeling anxious too that they may help you ❀

1. Be open and honest about your feelings with your friends and loved ones.

My Hubs was able to cultivate so much more patience and understanding for me once he learned why I was suddenly being such a bitch to him. My friends flooded me with love and support too, which had a very real bolstering effect! Not only that, my openness has helped others open up about their own mental health and that has further built and strengthened my community AND given me a sense of pride and purpose, which in turn allows me to focus on something other than DOOM!

2. Realize that feeling anxiety now is completely normal!

Anxiety is a normal response to an abnormal situation. These are SCARY times! You are not over reacting if you feel afraid. You are a human being having a biological response to real danger. Our bodies are designed to feel this way, during times like this. It all feels awful by design. You’re doing nothing wrong.

3. Do something physical if you can to move that anxious energy out of your body.

If you already have an exercise routine, keep it up. Adapt it if you need to, but be sure to keep at it. If you don’t, try going for a walk. (If you can. Away from other people, obviously) I know I personally always feels better after a walk.There is lots of science that confirms the great benefits of this form of exercise. If I cant get outside, I walk in my house. Seriously. That’s how much I believe in walks for good health. There are a ton of other amazing things you can do to work that anxiety out. Yoga, dance, weight lifting -use cans if you don’t have weights- clean your house! Take up a craft..do something physical. It doesn’t matter what, as long as you like doing it. Joyful movement is an excellent balm.

4. Find humour in things. Seek it out!

Oh the memes. The memes! What a time to be alive! The memes are amazing! People are so clever, so artistic and hilariously funny. I have spent more time laughing than I have worrying, that’s for damn sure. Find your own favourite source for humour. Laugh. Just laugh. Seek out the absurd. There is science to back up how important this is too. Have yourself a good giggle!

5. Seek out the good.

These ARE scary times, and some people are acting like jerks but there are way more decent humans than not. Find those people! Focus on them. Be that person yourself! Here, I’ll get you started. When I popped up to the store to grab some groceries every single human was acting decent. Yes, the fear was palpable but no one was freaking out and people were helping one another! ( I helped a lady who couldn’t read English.) I saw countless people reaching up on the top shelves for those who couldn’t and people were not clearing out the food. They were careful to leave stuff for others. I came home feeling happy, yes happy! It’s nice to know we haven’t lost our kindness.

I belong to three groups on Facebook devoted to helping others during this time. People are going out their way to assist those in need. My own friends have offered up their libraries to me! Delivered straight to my door step! ❀

Countless artists online are making art for others-free! I’ve seen a Jann Arden show and Keith Urban too. Other organizations are opening up online content for free as well. Goodness still exists. Look for it.

Our world is going to be changed by this massive event. YOU are going to be changed as well. May you find peace, comfort and a wee bit of joy where you can. Love and squishy hugs to all of you!

Throwback Thursday- Young Me Edition.

I swear this is one of my first times participating in such a thing here.

It was really fun to look through my old photos and while I don’t have a lot, I have enough to play for a little bit! All photos circa 1970 something.

My Gran and me. I look to be about….2..ish. I also look like my Grandson here! That was a funny realization. It’s the round squishy face ❀

I’m probably 3 here. Playing in the water on Gabriola Island. My grandparents property had a stream running through it and the otters used to play in it. Thankfully, no otters in my buckets today! Had I been a parent there, my kids would have totally been in that stream. Maybe not at three years old but most definitely later. I admire the supervision I was under here, ha ha!

Maybe 4 or 5. I appear to have short hair so this looks to be around the time I wanted to be a BOY and walk around with my shirt off because it was hot. I asked my mother for a haircut because I thought having short hair would mean I was a boy. I deeply regretted that for years to come! I had bad hair until my teens!

I used to beg my dad to make me these silly hats. He had a million handkerchiefs. That he actually used as handkerchiefs!

Ha! And did you know that until today I always thought the word was hankerchief ? Don’t I feel silly!!

Special thanks to Anne from Snowbird in Paradise for the inspiration and encouragement. This was fun!

Spring Tea Party

Spring arrives in 2020 on March 19.

If you’re thinking to yourself ” That seems early” You’d be right!

According to the Old Farmer’s Almanac this is a thing because of … math. And how our calendar is set up and leap years.

You can read the whole article here. It’s extremely interesting and the author explains things far better than I ever could. Sorry!

Last year, I had a one women tea party to celebrate the occasion ( and as an excuse eat scones with homemade clotted cream) and I’ll be doing the same thing this year too!

SPRING!

FOOD!

CELEBRATING ALL THE THINGS!

Here are some highlights from 2019!

Steamed green beans with wee tomatoes and pesto for dipping. Open faced Tuscan ham sandwiches with dijon ( and butter!) and cucumber sandwiches on top of a tea biscuit. Deviled eggs with capers. Missing are my scones with jam and clotted cream! The scones were Ok but the clotted cream ❀

I used Chef John’s recipe from Food Wishes:

And it turned out really well!

It was insanely good on top of a scone with a good spot of jam. I even froze it and enjoyed it six months later on top of some Swedish pancakes! It was just as yummy then too. I’ll be making this again for 2020.

My next favourite thing were my family famous tea biscuits. This year I’m not going to be making scones because…meh. I prefer tea biscuits and these are pretty versatile. My recipe come from a battered old Purity Flour cookbook:

Well loved for good reasons. I especially enjoy cheese in mine:

There are a million other variations you could do to your own taste! I’ve got some fancy ones in my head for this year. Scones are just too sweet and dry for me. Biscuits are where its at!

And last : Deviled Eggs with Capers.

There’s nothing really to them, simply make a basic recipe and add Herbs de Provence , chop up some capers, add them to the mix saving a few whole ones as garnish.

I made it up as I surveyed the contents of fridge and I was so pleased they came out as tasty as they did.

Fancy and pretty to look at, yet different than the usual deviled egg you’d normally eat without tasting too weird. A lot of my “creations” don’t turn out nearly as well! πŸ™‚

All enjoyed of course with a big mug of hot tea. Here is a pretty set up to satisfy you purists:

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

My favourite is Earl Grey with extra Bergamot. How about you?

I’m working on finalizing my Spring menu this year and I’m sure once its all said and done you’ll see it here. How do you celebrate Spring?