3. Racing the volatile June weather. Sometimes I make it home in time…sometimes I don’t!
4. Drying all my herbs and roots!
5. Spring flowers!
6. Making friends with wild Ravens:
7. Sitting comfortably outside to read my books, watch the sky or just be.
8. When everybody gets along and the general energy amongst all is good cheer.
9. Gigantic salads for dinner. This one HERE, was particularly good. Mind you I didn’t bother with slicing the lettuce into a slab- I chopped it up because who wants to fuss eating a salad with a freaking knife and fork!?- and the recipes says peaches but if you look at the recipes their very own photo shows nectarines… I used nectarines too!
10. Dorky hats. I didn’t buy this super cool fishing hat because I have a million floppy hats but still…floppy hats are just fun!
11. Getting good mail. Packages, surprise cheques, letters or cool catalogues.
12. Feeling the very wet underside of my little dog as she jumps all over me, after she’s been outside in the rain.
13. Having an animated chat with my daughter on the phone.
14. Funny texts from my son that tell me he’s come back to me. It seems I have my boy back. Not the drug addicted human but the boy I know and love.
15. My first moto ride of the season even if it was two hours TOO long and my body hurt for days, ha ha.
16. Hoop earrings I can close with a simple and satisfying click.
17. That compact feeling you get when you’ve been consistent with your core exercises and good posture.
18. Cat frog legs and toe beans!
19. The sun shining in my eyes at 930 PM (!!!!) forcing me to put my sunglasses on to read in my house, ha ha. I adore these nights leading to to Solstice. I stay up so late because I’m just not tired at my usual time with the sun still blaring away at me. This year I’m giving myself over to it. I’m letting myself fall into step with the cycles of the earth.
20. SOLSTICE!!! 95 days of Summer( here in the Northern hemisphere. )Well, technically sure. But in actuality…after these first few days these Summer days start getting shorter and the weather starts making it’s turn toward Autumn. Enjoy the sun and the warmer days while you still can. I don’t think I’ve worn shoes in weeks, ha ha, even with the rain. Do I sound negative? Not my intention! I’m trying to remind myself of the impermanence of all things and that I need to make the most of Summer while it’s here. Maybe that will help me come Autumn. Fingers crossed!
OK, now it’s your turn. Tell me, what are some of the little things you love?
Happy Monday! It’s a long weekend here and I am “enjoying” this little one:
I say “enjoying” because after FOUR WHOLE DAYS with a 14 month old, it’s actually “enduring” ha! Toddlers are a lot of work! How did I ever have my own? How do any of us? Even my bestie- a child care PROFESSIONAL- is a little in awe of us. She thinks we’re brave…
He goes home today and while his current nickname is The Terrorist, he’s been most excellent for someone with such high needs. He’s napping now so I can say that ;P I know five seconds after he leaves I’ll miss him <3. And how lucky am I to have full and easy access to him? Pretty damn lucky!
I bought a flat of strawberries on Friday. I froze them all up -made some jam too!- and am thinking about all the yummy things I’m going to make with them:
I love me a man who swears and this human is a particularly fine one 🙂
My birds are so hilariously bold now! The Crow visits me every so often and calls to me to come out. I am very well trained! The Blue Jays sit in the tree and stare in at me, if they cant find me in one room, they fly to another window and the Magpies seem pretty content to just ignore me. I bought some seed for the little birds so we’ll see how they react. As it is now they like to take me out at the knee in the yard by flying straight past me as I walk by…little asses! So far no Mockingbirds though 😛
I hope your Monday is going well and if it’s not I hope it goes quickly for you so you can start fresh on Tuesday!
You might not be able to tell at this present time but I have used to have a hard lacquered shell over my heart.
I grew it myself over the years in response to:
A. Being born a highly sensitive person.
B. Experiencing both ongoing and sudden trauma.
My hard shell has served me well. ( POETRY!) It was a necessary tool I used to protect myself. It gave me a feeling of power, control, comfort and safety.
It helped me as I built resilience and courage. It helped me as I cultivated my fierce sense of honesty, authenticity and integrity.
And then it started working against me and cut me off from intimacy and truth , truth. Connection and freedom.
It be like that sometimes.
Lucky for me, my hard shell was actually a fragile thing. It was smashed to the ground and shattered a few years ago.
That event left me shocked and reeling. Unable to hide. Exposed.
It was awful.
But it was also awesome because I kind of “levelled up” if you will. I grew exponentially within myself. Something that would have never happened had I been wearing that really tight and limiting shell.
I was forced to finally admit that I while, yes, I am still a bad ass. I am not all that tough. I actually do have feelings. LOTS OF THEM.
I have a very squishy heart. My insides are full of marshmallow fluff.
Most people saw through my tough act anyhow. I wasn’t really hiding anything. Mostly I just made a fool out of myself, ha ha.
I was as human as anybody else!
So, I’ve had to learn how to allow myself to be vulnerable. I’ve had to learn how to show my heart, how to live through my heart and how to protect myself as needed, by other means. (Boundary setting and lots of self love)
This whole blog is an expression of living through my heart!
Being vulnerable still scares me of course and it still takes lots of work to stick with. That’s where really where my strength lies. That’s really where my toughness is. Because while my heart is soft and marshmellowy, while it’s squishy and silly, it is also stubborn and fierce and brave.
What are your thoughts on vulnerability? Is it easy for you? Do you cringe too? What does vulnerability mean to you?
” I am not going into Autumn this year without a pair of f*cking sweatpants!” are words I actually yelled not so long ago.
I have no idea. Well, I mean I know why I want sweatpants. I don’t know why I was so fired up about the whole thing.
I tend to do that.
Obviously I was seeking comfort. ANd now that I think about it…I haven’t had a pair of sweatpants since 2010.
That IS a good reason to get all fired up!
I love sweatpants! Why am I denying myself so?!
It’s just not right.
The last pair of sweats I owned were pants of mystical proprortions.
I bought them in a crappy Zellers during a big scary move in the middle of a menstration emergency.
They were cheap.
They were in the men’s section.
They were huge.
They were soft and fuzzy.
They were an ugly shade of brown.
I was a desperate, bloodied woman.
They would do.
Those vile pants ended up being a the BEST PAIR OF PANTS I’d ever owned.
I am not kidding. I don’t know it was my mental state at the time or if someone put a magic spell of love, peace and comfort on them but those pants were like one giant security blanket in my life.
They were always soft. They didn’t rub or pull or tug or ride up anywhere. They kept me warm. They were strong and lasted for eight years with heavy use. I was very sad when I had to throw them out, a victim of a snagging accident in an inconvenient location.
I don’t think I’ve ever been as comfortable since.
So the quest is on! I shall find my next favourite pants. I shall wear them. I shall be cozy!
Do you have a favourite piece of clothing? Tell me about it!
When I was going through a very bad thing a few years ago, it became very apparent to me and ALL OTHERS that I really needed to do some work on my self worth. Realizing I had it, cultivating more of it, and nurturing it every day, forever more.
People tried to explain it to me and for lots of reasons I just couldn’t get it. It wasn’t sinking in. The problem I believe is that I was looking at it from a logical view point and logic while nice, is not my usual go to method of existing in the world. I need magic and whimsy. I need metaphors and stories. I need imagery and symbolism.
So I struggled and struggled but I kept on trying. In my trying I had many conversations with the people in my life about the subject and one of them was life changing.
“It’s like this” my supervisor said to me. This supervisor being a very strong, confident person of imposing bearing ” I know that no matter what’s happening, I AM the BOSS.” Stretching her bulk up straighter and throwing her shoulders back she continued ” I am the Queen!” She laughed, tossing her hair back as she strutted around the room. ” And I treat myself as such! Always. Without exception. I also don’t allow others to treat me badly because I know that I.Am.The.Boss in my life”
This woman really identified with being a boss. So much so that she went a little overboard and could be extremely overbearing. But there was wisdom in her words. I would never be comfortable with calling myself “boss” even though that’s an apt description but queen…queen was something I could definitely use!
And use it I did. It took awhile and there were many more conversations about self worth and self love, many more discoveries, lessons and realizations but I finally GOT IT and now the word Queen has great meaning to me. It spawned the huge realization in me that I really do LOVE MYSELF. I really do TRUST MYSELF.
I am a dignified Queen. That became my core mantra and soothing balm for all things. I bought myself a crown ring …
and charm for my bracelet..
so I would never forget.
There’s a tattoo in the works to literally drill it into me, ha ha.
I have to tell you, the day my husband bought me this:
I felt like the lesson I learned and the progress I’d made was visible to others too. Yahoo!
Self love/worth is an on going thing. It’s the continuing relationship between you and you. It’s your most important relationship and I’m so grateful for the lessons I learned, even if they did come late, because…wow, I feel so much lighter in this world and very queenly 😉
Do you have a word that signifies your own self worth? Please share! And if you’re struggling please know that you really are a person of worth, no matter what, simply by being alive! ❤