G is for *Grandparenting A-Z Challenge.

This one taught me about ferocious protectiveness, expectations versus reality, loss, insecurity, Oneness, acceptance and renewal. She showed me my mortality. She showed me myself perfectly reflected in her. She showed me love.

A headstrong, goofball wild-child blessing. My Miss Sassafras.

This one taught me to relax into comfort and ease. To love wholeheartedly with security, to watch and admire all with wonder and awe and, that good things come to those who wait, even after a loss.

My bulldozer baby, Mr. OV.


Being a Grandmother is the best role I’ve ever been in. It’s not perfect. Please don’t misunderstand me, its nowhere close to being a perfect experience but it is RICH in all things and FULL of LIFE. I am so grateful to have experienced this stage, as it is. I feel like the Skin Horse in The Velveteen Rabbit, REAL.

I hope you all get the chance to be come REAL too.

Love & Squishy Hugs.

E Is For *Everything. A-Z Challenge.

Me to Me during one of my daily check ins: ” What are you grateful for?”

“Everything”

I feel like I need to acknowledge it all, because there are so many things to be grateful for and I’m afraid that if I don’t acknowledge it, I’ll take it for granted.

You can see how this could turn into an obsessive thought.

Ha! It might even BE an obsessive thought NOW!

Whatevs. Normal is just a setting on the dryer.

I just know when I’m nearing my end, its going to be all those little things that fill my heart with love, light and longing. It feels important to me to recognize them. The good and the bad.

Everything.

Simple Pleasures: Hot Laundry

As you all know, this Winter has been a cold one. ( As Winters are…) I’ve survived mostly by keeping the cold goings on, in the background. I don’t remark about it, I don’t pay any attention to it. I focus on whatever is in front of me at the time. It’s been working great and has allowed me to start noticing all the LOVELY things about Winter, all the little gifts from the cold. Like:

Hot laundry on a cold day!

There is something so comforting about folding hot laundry when you’re freezing your ass off. Its not just the temperature that makes me feel good, its the great contrast between temperatures. Icy air against burning hot fabric. The hot makes the cold feel GOOD! Which in my mind, is something of a miracle 🙂 I may almost miss this one. I may even look forward to this come Summer…whaaaaaaat?!

With Spring well on her way, our lives are heading for a big change! The things we find pleasurable will change so I want to know, what are some of your Winter pleasures?

Monday Ramble, Bladder, Kids, Aging, Job.

Happy Monday!

I’m super excited to be off doing some learning this week! When I “master” the subject, I’ll tell you all about it. Until then…some memes!

Heh! You too?

I guess I should be grateful it’s all working! Have you seen how thick catheters are? Scaaaaary.!

Oh My Goddess, YES! The entire time they were in my care :p

Another advantage of aging! Ha, Beware us Oldielocks!

So, that job I was all nervous about?

A total waste of my good energy.

The whole thing was a letdown BUT in a good way because it showed me a thing or two and reinforced my own code of ethics.

A couple of red flags came up and then one doozy! I just can’t lie or evade as a regular course of action in a job working with the vulnerable. So the job is a nope for me!

Not a loss, in my opinion but a very good lesson in a lot of things!

I am ever grateful!

What are you grateful for this Monday?

Let It Settle.

I have a job interview today for a position in my field at a place of higher learning.

When I applied for the job I was most interested. The work is something I care deeply about, the hours are part time, reasonable and convenient. The wage is decent and the job is honourable.

Then I was called for an interview.

CUE THE FREAKING OUT!

Ha Ha Ha!

“I’m not educated enough. I’ve never worked with adults. Maybe I don’t want to travel ALL that way to work. I’m not even really an adult myself. I’m too quirky. I’m not professional enough. I only want the job because of ego. “

“THEY’LL SEE RIGHT THROUGH ME!”

Such is my anxious mind 🙂

I sat with the feelings as my mind did it’s thing. I let the thoughts come and go, I let the feelings sit like a rock in my throat and pound out of my chest. I decided I would not address anything until it all settled and I was calm.

Once that happened – it took ALL NIGHT LONG- I realized that I would regret not trying for the position, a position that in my non anxious state I was REALLY interested in, and called the person back to arrange for an interview and it all went well and fine. I didn’t embarrass myself. I sounded like a normal, capable human being. There was nothing to see through because I was my self.

But oh Good Goddess, what a process to get to that point.

All this, for a job interview! 🙂

Such is life with an over active nervous system!

I’m sharing this with you because I want to show the people who need to see this, how an anxious brain works AND how you can overcome that anxiety and be OK.

The thoughts came through me rapidly, one after the other after the other. I stopped to listen to them at first but then quickly realized a. they were just thoughts and they were neither true nor false b. there were too many of them to adequately address them all so it was better to let them float on by until they stopped.

And they did. And I was able to get clear and make a decision based in truth and wisdom.

All this, thanks to meditation. Meditating daily, gives me the pause in life to see through the anxious thoughts and feelings and allows my own wisdom and guidance to kick in. Without that pause, without that little gap in between the panic, my inner compass would not have had its say and I would have probably ignored the call and been angry with myself till the end of time, wondering about what could have been.

That would have been most unkind of me. I owe it to myself to try.

So, there is hope my friends! There is hope.

Sitting there after my conversation with the interviewer, I was struck by how calm I was. I wasn’t anxious or afraid at all, and yet the story I was telling myself was that I was scared. But upon examination, I was excited and curious. Once again, the anxiety lied like it always does.

That is lesson number two. Anxiety- and depression- lie.

As for me, I’ll probably have another freak out before the interview. And I’ll be fine, as I always am.

I’m just very grateful to be even chosen to interview for this position. It is a big deal! And an honour to be considered. No matter what happens, I feel like I’ve won already 🙂

What has your experience with anxiety been like? Can you share something that has helped you? What advice would you give to a nervous interviewee?

Heart Shaped Yums

Boston Pizza had an event on the 14th, for Valentine’s Day. Buy any small or medium pizza ( heart shaped or not ) and one dollar from each pizza would be donated to a local children’s charity.

I like pizza. I like excuses to go out for lunch in the middle of the week. I like celebrating love with my Hubby. I like money going to kids.

We ordered the Viva Italia. The description from their website:

Arrabbiata pizza sauce, pizza mozzarella, Genoa salami, chopped bacon, spicy Italian sausage, roasted red peppers, banana peppers, goat cheese, freshly grated Parmesan and a pesto drizzle.

What we got:

How did it taste?

Damn good! Even with that slightly dark crust.

I’m not a huge Boston Pizza fan. I find the food to be … pretty basic. There is nothing wrong with it, it’s just me. Having said that, I do have a favourite go to whenever the Hubs wants to eat there – Jambalaya Fettucine- and whenever I order it, it is consistently good. That is HUGE for me. So right away the place gets props for that.

This pizza brings my list from one to two. It was amazing! Lots of ingredients, spread evenly over the crust. The overall taste was salty-in a good way-briny, creamy, spicy, and savoury. Not one ingredient overpowered the other. Each one was distinct and everything worked so well together. I even liked the pesto drizzle. I HATE pesto but it was a STAR on this pie. I would order this again. Hell, I’m craving more now!

We didnt eat the whole pie-I wanted to!- because we were saving room for dessert! One dollar from each sale of their Triple Chocolate Mousse Cake goes to a local children’s charity, too. From their site:

Dark chocolate sponge cake layered with milk chocolate and white chocolate mousse, topped with whipped cream and a chocolate coin.


The verdict. Good if not plain. There was nothing wrong with it and nothing overly spectacular either. That didn’t stop me from stuffing my face 🙂

Our service was fast, friendly and efficient. The food was good. It was a great way to spend the lunch hour, that’s for sure.

And because it was Valentine’s Day, I bring you this:

One neatly folded napkin -my husband. And one crumpled messy one-mine.

This makes me laugh because a. my Hubs pointed it out to me, which means he’s gathering insight which is unusual for him. b. this is a direct view inside each of our brains-him neat and organized, me- messy and all over the place c. despite this huge difference and despite some pretty major troubles in our 20 odd year marriage, we’re still here together, living and working and growing through it all ❤

Love Bomb

I like Valentine’s Day as much as the next cynical person. I will bitch and moan about how it’s a made up BS “holiday” all the while happily going out for heart shaped pizza with my love.

One thing I am rather rabid about though, is self love.

I like to use this day to check in on myself and my progress, in what is my most important relationship. Me + Me.

The relationship I have with myself is evolving and improving every day. I didn’t always have the best love for me and some days I’m better at it than others but I’ve learned to never give up on myself. I hope this reminder post to myself and the memes and quotes I’m going to spam you with, encourages the same, in you.

Love and Squishy Hugs.