F*ck Up Friday- Just Come On In!

Heading out to the library one day last week, I found myself in a bit of a pickle.I couldn’t find my keys!

I hadn’t been out of the house for two days and I need them to get into the yard, never mind my dwelling, so I knew they were at least safe. I just had to find them!

I’d probably set them down someplace when I was reorganizing my key chain. No biggie! They’d turn up eventually.

I grabbed an extra set I’d tucked way for exactly this occasion and headed out the door.

Well.

Remember how I had mentioned that my neighbourhood was experiencing an increase in crime?

Remember last month how some jerks broke into my neighbour’s house, in broad daylight?

Remember how this encouraged me to up my home security and put in new locks and reinforce my doors?

Remember how I felt safe (And SO SMUG!),secure and satisfied every time I turned my key in the lock or slid the deadbolts home? Nobody’s getting in to my house.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

That only works if one is not a dumb ass.

On my return trip home from the library, I let myself back into the yard and immediately found my lost keys.

They’d been OUTSIDE, for TWO DAYS ( and NIGHTS ), sitting in plain sight.

I guess I’d left them out there on Sunday when I’d been picking rosehips. Not only had I left my keys outside, my husband had walked past them twice on his way in from work and not seen them either.

Le sigh.

I am buying one of those long, reely key chain thingys and a carbineer and I’m going to attach the whole get up to my bra strap so I never leave them out there again! (This is not my first offense, sadly)

On the plus side, this incident is truly an indication of something I’ve always suspected- I have the BEST LUCK. Seriously. I must have been born with horseshoes up my bum…

Have you had a major fuck up lately? Please share!

F*ck Up Friday – The Scowl.

I have a long and storied past when it comes to neighbours and while this isn’t the worst street I’ve lived on, problem neighbours still abound.

The cop killer/armed robber/ heroin addict. ( Who died. Right across the street. From an over dose. Thirty days after being released from prison. Awaiting trial for new charges of armed robbery)

The family next door who expected we’d all be BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!11 but then told anyone who would listen that we were unfriendly simply because we kept to ourselves and then accused us of being racist. All the while asking extremely nosy questions about our finances and life AS well as unabashedly trying to look in our windows to snoop.

And then these guys- the assholes who have outdoor parties ALL SUMMER LONG, from Tuesday to Saturday and blast awful music on their outdoor speakers accompanied by out of key sing -alongs.

About a month ago, it looked like they were moving! I didn’t get my hopes up because I’d thought this before. They’re the type who have friends and relatives moving in and out all the time. One never really knows who hell lives there at any one time.

But then one day, POOF, they were all gone. And the home’s owner was there doing work and contractors were brought in and my hopes and dreams for one quiet evening in my meditation garden came back to life!

Until a familiar black SUV pulled up, and an old familiar face came walking up the sidewalk with a box in his arms.

FUCK!

I was just stepping out onto my porch and my heart sank when I realized what was up. I stood there, openly scowling with a mix of disbelief, horror and open animosity.

Well. They must have felt my rage and before I could conceal my true emotions, they looked up, right at me, glaring away at them. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Oh boy.

Caught in the act!

I kind of feel like an asshole but also kind of not. I stand by my feelings.

I am more concerned that I’m losing my filter. That’s the REAL fuck up.

Oops.

Have you ever had a moment of unfiltered honesty? Or do you have a firm hold on your emotional reactions no matter what?

F*ck Up Friday – Crescent Moon.

Every payday, I do the finances then walk myself up to the bank to take out our cash and do any other running around I need to do.

On this particular day, I also took the long way to the library where I browsed for books, bending over in the aisles, crouching down and such. I was out for a couple of hours, just doing my own thing. It was cool and breezy but a good day for walking!

When Hubs came home, he found me on the couch reading one of my new books and when I got up to give him his allowance I heard him snort laugh.

“What!?” I queried. Snort laughing is out of character for the man who has to be reminded that babies need to see expressive faces, not flat affect.

” I don’t think you’re going to be able to wear those pants again!” he snickered rudely.

These are MY favourite pants! I wear them most days of the week. I’ve had them for a few years now and I’m already mourning their loss because they are so comfy and worn in….Ohhhhhh.

My hand flies to the seat of my pants and the direction of his laughing eyes – I’ve split my favourite pants from top to bottom, right alongside the seam.

FUCK!

I don’t wear regular undies – my entire ASS is hanging out! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN LIKE THIS!?

Surely I would have felt a breeze! It was cool and windy day! Surely it happened when I was doing sit ups and not bent over picking out books. Surely, I haven’t been walking around town like this ALL DAY!? Surely someone would have said something!? Surely, I would have noticed strange looks! Right? Right?!

Le sigh. I’ll never know. Check your pants, Peeps. Check your pants for wear and tear.

F*ck Up Friday – Pea Shoot Smoothie.

Happy Friday!

Here’s a short but gross tip for you today…

A person might think pea shoots would taste AWESOME in a smoothie.

That person would be wrong. Pea shoots in a smoothie would be a mistake!

Why?

Well, pea shoots in a smoothie taste exactly like opening up a can of the cheapest store brand peas, cooking them in their can liquor for an hour and then whizzing them up with a banana and yogurt.

DIS-GUST-ING!

As gross in looks as it is in taste. Baby food is thy name.

So yeah…maybe don’t do that.

Love and squishy hugs!

F*ck Up Friday- Losing The Pause.

We haven’t had a Fuck Up Friday in awhile!

I’m just so perfect and never make mistakes I guess.

“snicker”

That’s a lie if there ever was one!

I have most definitely made mistakes, I just haven’t been too, too worried about them, which my friends is progress!

But I did fuck up recently, and I do think I should share because it could potentially help someone else.

When I was working at my very stressful job and living my very stressful life, I was meditating two times a day PLUS doing walking meditation for 50 mins every week day.

It barely made a dent in my anxiety but it gave me “the pause” . That space between feeling and thought. Thought and speech. Thought and action. It gave me a safe place, a second at a time to gather myself and realize that I was OK. That I was doing OK and that I was resilient and brave and all the rest.

Life improved. I quit that job. And I started slacking off. At first I’d miss a day of meditation. Then a few days. Then weeks. Then whole months would pass with no formal practice.

Sure, I was still practicing my checkins and doing my mantras and I’ve always used walks as meditiation. But it seems those thing were not enough!

I’ve recently noticed how quick I am to anger! Over little stupid things! I’m starting to get pretty vocal about it too…ranty. Which is fine for things like human rights and environmental issues and politics…but maybe not ok for Vagisil commercials… ha ha ha.

I have made a mistake! I lost my pause when I lost my meditation practice!

I have fucked up!

Having said that, I am grateful! Why? Because I was still a half assed meditator back when I was consistent. Sure, I did it A LOT but I did it out of need and desperation as opposed to knowledge and appreciation. Now I know for myself. I have first hand knowledge and experience behind me telling me WHY it’s important to have a consistent practice. I know the value of it and you can bet your booty, I wont be so lax with it in the future.

I might even buy one of those pillow things and do it properly, ha!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Sooooo, if you have a practice…and you think it’s not working or you think it’s boring, or you think it’s OK to miss “just one day” please think of me ranting about feminine “hygiene” products and reconsider. You might not be able to see the full scope of all the positive benefits but they are there!

Did you have any major f*ck ups this week? This is a safe place to share them if you have!

F*ck Up Friday- Art

It’s been a while since I’ve made a major faux pas. My streak of good luck is over though, and now I have to leave the internet.

A lady I am friendly with, posted two paintings on a social media site, saying she wasn’t able to paint as good as this certain artist but she’d had a lot of fun trying to. I wasn’t aware of this particular artist but thought she’d made a good try and wanted to celebrate that. So in that spirit I commented.

Both pieces looked so simple and amateurish, so naturally I thought both pieces were her own attempts.

Ha Ha Ha!

That is where it all went horribly wrong. The piece I complimented as being “especially nice” not done by her at all but by the very artist she was trying to emulate. She’d put them both up side by side to compare and I had no clue, lol.

The lady set me straight, kindly, but still. I feel like a fool and now I have to delete ALL my accounts and leave the internet!

Oy!

If you need me, I’ll be under this rock over here.

All silliness aside, I am human. I can only operate my life with the information that I have. After the initial horror of my mistake wore off, I was able to laugh about my gaff and be kind to myself too. This isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done, nobody died, my intentions were good and I’ve learned, yet again, that I won’t die from embarrassment. Even if it feels like it. Another thing, talking about mistakes makes me see them as they really are and takes away a lot of the cringe factor. So thanks for listening!

How has your week been? Have any embarrassing moments?

F*ck Up Friday * Should Have Ordered Take Out.

Happy Friday!

If you’re new here, Fuck Up Friday was born out of a need to cringe less and love myself more. Instead of being ashamed and afraid of my screw ups and mistakes, I thought it’d be fun to share them, with you. and encourage you to share with me so that we could all see that mistakes are a part of life. Sometimes they can even be funny and most likely, you, me, WE are not alone.

High on my Pickle Pizza success, I thought I’d whip up my own half-assed version of a Margherita pizza. I was SURE it was going to be amazing!

I smeared on the oil and pressed the garlic. I sliced the mozzarella and hand squished my garden fresh tomatoes. I took a photo:

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And then I popped it under the broiler and, went and did my hair.

Friends! You’re intelligent humans. You know what happens next!

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Behold. A Photographic F*ck Up!

ARG! I was so mad and yet not surprised because this is what happens when you leave stuff under the broiler. So, I cut it into slices, rolled em up and ate it anyway. It didn’t taste too bad, if you didn’t have to look it…

Have you had any cooking Oops this week? Any other mistakes? Do share, so I feel less lame! Kthanxbye!