F*ck Up Friday – Caught Ya!

Today’s F up, isn’t mine for once!

Let’s pause to celebrate this!

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If this was my job, the sign would read – It’s Been One Day Without A Work Place Accident

With all the recent crime in the neighbourhood I’ve been half excepting to come home and find some crook either climbing my locked gate or coming out of my locked yard. I fantasize about what I’d do- whip out my phone, take their photo, call the 5-0 – and what I’d do to them – Create a huge noisy ruckus and chase them away! OR, detain them (expertly, of course) until the cops arrive – It’s all great fun to imagine WHAT IF and it’s my favourite fantasy of the moment, because I am always the hero, ha.

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The hilarious thing is this JUST HAPPENED, only not exactly the way I’d imagined.

I’m trip tropping down the walk, home from a lovely meet up with two very lovely humans and what do I see as I approach my home? The mail carrier on the far side of my yard, hopping the fence!

(Most ackwardly too. It was quite the task for him. )

Whaaaaat? I think to myself, more curious than anything else. I know right away he’s not there to rob me, that wouldn’t smart of him, especially as he’s in uniform and I see him every day! So I continue on to my door and there he is, holding a package. Caught and flustered, ha!

“Did you make a mistake?” I ask. “Yep!” he replies. It seems he tossed the package over the fence onto my porch, realized he’d delivered it to the wrong house and then couldn’t get the package back because of my HIGH SECURITY SYSTEM:

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” I knocked on your window” he continues on ” But obviously you weren’t home. SO I hopped the fence. Got the dogs barking. I’m sorry! My name’s redacted to protect the honest and awkward. I’m your new carrier. I’m just learning the route!”

Ohh man, did I feel bad for him! We chatted for a bit, he thanked me for my understanding and we had a good laugh about it all. Although, I know the dude is probably just cringing inside, ha ha ha.

I got a huge kick out the whole thing and I’m grateful that while my fantasy kind of came true, it came true in a much more positive way! And I still got to be the hero! ❤

Have you made any mistakes this week? We all have our squirmy moments, I’m sure! Share them, in the interest of comradery and casting light onto shadows!

F*ck Up Friday- Just Come On In!

Heading out to the library one day last week, I found myself in a bit of a pickle.I couldn’t find my keys!

I hadn’t been out of the house for two days and I need them to get into the yard, never mind my dwelling, so I knew they were at least safe. I just had to find them!

I’d probably set them down someplace when I was reorganizing my key chain. No biggie! They’d turn up eventually.

I grabbed an extra set I’d tucked way for exactly this occasion and headed out the door.

Well.

Remember how I had mentioned that my neighbourhood was experiencing an increase in crime?

Remember last month how some jerks broke into my neighbour’s house, in broad daylight?

Remember how this encouraged me to up my home security and put in new locks and reinforce my doors?

Remember how I felt safe (And SO SMUG!),secure and satisfied every time I turned my key in the lock or slid the deadbolts home? Nobody’s getting in to my house.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

That only works if one is not a dumb ass.

On my return trip home from the library, I let myself back into the yard and immediately found my lost keys.

They’d been OUTSIDE, for TWO DAYS ( and NIGHTS ), sitting in plain sight.

I guess I’d left them out there on Sunday when I’d been picking rosehips. Not only had I left my keys outside, my husband had walked past them twice on his way in from work and not seen them either.

Le sigh.

I am buying one of those long, reely key chain thingys and a carbineer and I’m going to attach the whole get up to my bra strap so I never leave them out there again! (This is not my first offense, sadly)

On the plus side, this incident is truly an indication of something I’ve always suspected- I have the BEST LUCK. Seriously. I must have been born with horseshoes up my bum…

Have you had a major fuck up lately? Please share!

F*ck Up Friday – The Scowl.

I have a long and storied past when it comes to neighbours and while this isn’t the worst street I’ve lived on, problem neighbours still abound.

The cop killer/armed robber/ heroin addict. ( Who died. Right across the street. From an over dose. Thirty days after being released from prison. Awaiting trial for new charges of armed robbery)

The family next door who expected we’d all be BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!11 but then told anyone who would listen that we were unfriendly simply because we kept to ourselves and then accused us of being racist. All the while asking extremely nosy questions about our finances and life AS well as unabashedly trying to look in our windows to snoop.

And then these guys- the assholes who have outdoor parties ALL SUMMER LONG, from Tuesday to Saturday and blast awful music on their outdoor speakers accompanied by out of key sing -alongs.

About a month ago, it looked like they were moving! I didn’t get my hopes up because I’d thought this before. They’re the type who have friends and relatives moving in and out all the time. One never really knows who hell lives there at any one time.

But then one day, POOF, they were all gone. And the home’s owner was there doing work and contractors were brought in and my hopes and dreams for one quiet evening in my meditation garden came back to life!

Until a familiar black SUV pulled up, and an old familiar face came walking up the sidewalk with a box in his arms.

FUCK!

I was just stepping out onto my porch and my heart sank when I realized what was up. I stood there, openly scowling with a mix of disbelief, horror and open animosity.

Well. They must have felt my rage and before I could conceal my true emotions, they looked up, right at me, glaring away at them. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Oh boy.

Caught in the act!

I kind of feel like an asshole but also kind of not. I stand by my feelings.

I am more concerned that I’m losing my filter. That’s the REAL fuck up.

Oops.

Have you ever had a moment of unfiltered honesty? Or do you have a firm hold on your emotional reactions no matter what?

F*ck Up Friday – Crescent Moon.

Every payday, I do the finances then walk myself up to the bank to take out our cash and do any other running around I need to do.

On this particular day, I also took the long way to the library where I browsed for books, bending over in the aisles, crouching down and such. I was out for a couple of hours, just doing my own thing. It was cool and breezy but a good day for walking!

When Hubs came home, he found me on the couch reading one of my new books and when I got up to give him his allowance I heard him snort laugh.

“What!?” I queried. Snort laughing is out of character for the man who has to be reminded that babies need to see expressive faces, not flat affect.

” I don’t think you’re going to be able to wear those pants again!” he snickered rudely.

These are MY favourite pants! I wear them most days of the week. I’ve had them for a few years now and I’m already mourning their loss because they are so comfy and worn in….Ohhhhhh.

My hand flies to the seat of my pants and the direction of his laughing eyes – I’ve split my favourite pants from top to bottom, right alongside the seam.

FUCK!

I don’t wear regular undies – my entire ASS is hanging out! HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN LIKE THIS!?

Surely I would have felt a breeze! It was cool and windy day! Surely it happened when I was doing sit ups and not bent over picking out books. Surely, I haven’t been walking around town like this ALL DAY!? Surely someone would have said something!? Surely, I would have noticed strange looks! Right? Right?!

Le sigh. I’ll never know. Check your pants, Peeps. Check your pants for wear and tear.

F*ck Up Friday – Pea Shoot Smoothie.

Happy Friday!

Here’s a short but gross tip for you today…

A person might think pea shoots would taste AWESOME in a smoothie.

That person would be wrong. Pea shoots in a smoothie would be a mistake!

Why?

Well, pea shoots in a smoothie taste exactly like opening up a can of the cheapest store brand peas, cooking them in their can liquor for an hour and then whizzing them up with a banana and yogurt.

DIS-GUST-ING!

As gross in looks as it is in taste. Baby food is thy name.

So yeah…maybe don’t do that.

Love and squishy hugs!

F*ck Up Friday- Losing The Pause.

We haven’t had a Fuck Up Friday in awhile!

I’m just so perfect and never make mistakes I guess.

“snicker”

That’s a lie if there ever was one!

I have most definitely made mistakes, I just haven’t been too, too worried about them, which my friends is progress!

But I did fuck up recently, and I do think I should share because it could potentially help someone else.

When I was working at my very stressful job and living my very stressful life, I was meditating two times a day PLUS doing walking meditation for 50 mins every week day.

It barely made a dent in my anxiety but it gave me “the pause” . That space between feeling and thought. Thought and speech. Thought and action. It gave me a safe place, a second at a time to gather myself and realize that I was OK. That I was doing OK and that I was resilient and brave and all the rest.

Life improved. I quit that job. And I started slacking off. At first I’d miss a day of meditation. Then a few days. Then weeks. Then whole months would pass with no formal practice.

Sure, I was still practicing my checkins and doing my mantras and I’ve always used walks as meditiation. But it seems those thing were not enough!

I’ve recently noticed how quick I am to anger! Over little stupid things! I’m starting to get pretty vocal about it too…ranty. Which is fine for things like human rights and environmental issues and politics…but maybe not ok for Vagisil commercials… ha ha ha.

I have made a mistake! I lost my pause when I lost my meditation practice!

I have fucked up!

Having said that, I am grateful! Why? Because I was still a half assed meditator back when I was consistent. Sure, I did it A LOT but I did it out of need and desperation as opposed to knowledge and appreciation. Now I know for myself. I have first hand knowledge and experience behind me telling me WHY it’s important to have a consistent practice. I know the value of it and you can bet your booty, I wont be so lax with it in the future.

I might even buy one of those pillow things and do it properly, ha!

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Sooooo, if you have a practice…and you think it’s not working or you think it’s boring, or you think it’s OK to miss “just one day” please think of me ranting about feminine “hygiene” products and reconsider. You might not be able to see the full scope of all the positive benefits but they are there!

Did you have any major f*ck ups this week? This is a safe place to share them if you have!

F*ck Up Friday- Art

It’s been a while since I’ve made a major faux pas. My streak of good luck is over though, and now I have to leave the internet.

A lady I am friendly with, posted two paintings on a social media site, saying she wasn’t able to paint as good as this certain artist but she’d had a lot of fun trying to. I wasn’t aware of this particular artist but thought she’d made a good try and wanted to celebrate that. So in that spirit I commented.

Both pieces looked so simple and amateurish, so naturally I thought both pieces were her own attempts.

Ha Ha Ha!

That is where it all went horribly wrong. The piece I complimented as being “especially nice” not done by her at all but by the very artist she was trying to emulate. She’d put them both up side by side to compare and I had no clue, lol.

The lady set me straight, kindly, but still. I feel like a fool and now I have to delete ALL my accounts and leave the internet!

Oy!

If you need me, I’ll be under this rock over here.

All silliness aside, I am human. I can only operate my life with the information that I have. After the initial horror of my mistake wore off, I was able to laugh about my gaff and be kind to myself too. This isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done, nobody died, my intentions were good and I’ve learned, yet again, that I won’t die from embarrassment. Even if it feels like it. Another thing, talking about mistakes makes me see them as they really are and takes away a lot of the cringe factor. So thanks for listening!

How has your week been? Have any embarrassing moments?

F*ck Up Friday * Should Have Ordered Take Out.

Happy Friday!

If you’re new here, Fuck Up Friday was born out of a need to cringe less and love myself more. Instead of being ashamed and afraid of my screw ups and mistakes, I thought it’d be fun to share them, with you. and encourage you to share with me so that we could all see that mistakes are a part of life. Sometimes they can even be funny and most likely, you, me, WE are not alone.

High on my Pickle Pizza success, I thought I’d whip up my own half-assed version of a Margherita pizza. I was SURE it was going to be amazing!

I smeared on the oil and pressed the garlic. I sliced the mozzarella and hand squished my garden fresh tomatoes. I took a photo:

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And then I popped it under the broiler and, went and did my hair.

Friends! You’re intelligent humans. You know what happens next!

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Behold. A Photographic F*ck Up!

ARG! I was so mad and yet not surprised because this is what happens when you leave stuff under the broiler. So, I cut it into slices, rolled em up and ate it anyway. It didn’t taste too bad, if you didn’t have to look it…

Have you had any cooking Oops this week? Any other mistakes? Do share, so I feel less lame! Kthanxbye!

F*ck Up Friday- Say No To Drugs, Kids.

Happy Friday Everyone!

friday2

Welcome to Fuck Up Friday! The day where I share some horribly embarrassing mistake and encourage you to share yours, all in the name of togetherness!

Somehow though, I made it through the week unscathed! This doesn’t happen often, believe me. But when it does you can be sure someone, somewhere is picking up the slack.

My neighbour for instance.

At first my husband and I thought there had been a body found in the back alley. The 5-0 were crawling all over the neighbourhood in many different forms. Vans, trucks, unmarked SUVs, marked cruisers…the works! Two of them had parked themselves at the foot of our driveway as well as the next door neighbour’s but my many trips to take out the garbage, walk the dogs, check out the garden yielded no usable information and I couldn’t even make out what their focus of interest was.

Until my eagle eye husband saw one of their tactical units in a far neighbours yard.

Whaaaaaat?!

Determined this time to finally satisfy my snoopy mind, I went out back again with a box I dug out of the closet to set out as recycling, ha ha ha,  and spotted a kid standing out back. Aha!

With zero shame I asked her ” Hey, do you know what happened there?” and hit the jackpot!

This kid just blabs it all out. My hero!

She tells me she lives in the basement suite and the entire house was taken over by cops, via battering ram and tear gas at 3am, looking for drugs. According to this kid, she knows nothing, it’s the upstairs neighbour – who doesn’t even really live there. It’s a whole weird thing -who’s involved. They are currently hiding in the attic but don’t worry, nobody is in danger because there are so many cops and dude will be hauled out soon.

Okie dokie. Thanks for the info. That was too easy!

Drugs. I am not surprised.

Later, I’m standing in the window, eating my toast and sure enough, the 5-0 haul out some guy, make him stand in the backyard, handcuffed while they do…police things I guess, for probably thirty minutes. Finally, three marked cars pull up, the dude is placed in one of them and then they leave him there for another long ass time. The guy is YOUNG, twenties probably and I cant help but think about how his mother is going to feel when she finds out.

I know someone who was in the exact same scenario and yeah…mother’s of kids who do such things usually feel really, really bad about it. So do mother’s of kids with drug addictions. That would be me. I’m grateful the police are taking action, for my own reasons and feel sad for the other Mum. Parenting is hard, no matter what end you’re on.

The dude finally gets taken away, with a three car escort and life goes back to normal in my neighbourhood. What a thing to wake up to, hey? On the fuck up scale, operating in the drug trade is most definitely up there. You know, for those of us who don’t already intuit this.

So my day is set! I’m already off to a good start and I didn’t even have to do anything. How about you? What were your mistakes like this week?

 

F*ck Up Friday: Uno, Dos, Tres.

Oh what a week!

Welcome to Fuck Up Friday! The day where I encourage everyone to share a mistake or two in the interest of togetherness and…healing? Yeah. Healing! You are not alone! Everybody messes up. It’s all OK!

How have ya been? Are you unscathed or have you spend some time wishing the floor would open up and swallow you?

I’ve had two minor mishaps and one that brought out a full on cringe.

  1. I forgot about my twenty-four year wedding anniversary until Facebook memories reminded me…AFTER my husband had left for work. We are pretty low-key about stuff like this but I still felt bad. My big plan/recovery was to take him out for ice cream that evening. (We’d already bought each other gifts) His big plan was to bring me home roses and take me out for dinner. It worked out in the end BUT I was horrified that I’d forgotten. What if I hadn’t gone on Facebook that day? I fear I would not have remembered on my own!
  2.  I forgot to take my first dose of a vaccine even though I spent time reading how to prepare said dose from a sheet of paper that clearly states the day I’m supposed to take the vaccine on. Brain? Brain? Where’d ya go?
  3. I met a really nice lady at the bus stop who I recognized but couldn’t place entirely. I expressed surprised that she lived near me and asked her where…only to realize…she was my neighbour. So now I have to move. It’s the only solution to that problem. Ha! I played it off like I was just teasing, being silly and we had a really nice conversation. She was friendly, warm and gracious. I don’t think I did any permanent damage. Why brain? Whyyyyyy?! Its done this to me before too. I seem to have problems placing people when I meet them outside of where I normally would. Isn’t that a mental condition? I think I read that somewhere. Later that morning, I met up with the nurse version of myself, awkward, sweet and silly. I felt nothing but affection for her and so I surmised that maybe my neighbour felt that way about me too. She was certainly lovely when we left one another, touching my arm to say goodbye. One can hope!

Your turn! What mistakes have you made this week? Big, small: I want to hear them all!