I’ve been thinking about mistakes a lot today because guess what??
I just made a BIG one.
One I’m not normally prone to do. One that is going to involve talking about said mistake-rather than sweeping it under the rug – and apologizing to a friend. Talk about humbling! And cringey. And just…gross!
I am a human, just like the rest of you. Who knew?
I’ve been denying this for so long, trying my best to a saint but alas the truth remains: I am flawed.
I guess since I’m going to start accepting this truth I may as well open up to the fact that us humans make mistakes every day. Big ones, small ones, inconsequential ones and catastrophic ones.
Ahhhh! I know right? Horrifying. Mistakes are not just a once in a blue moon kinda thing.
We`re all out here in the world, trying our best to be happy. Doing the things we think will make that so and fucking up all over the place anyway.
Just when I think I’m wise or have great integrity, just when I think to myself-Wow Lady, you finally do have it all together. High five YOU!- Im quickly shown the exact opposite and am thrown back to square one.
I like to think that even with my mistakes, I’m never really going to make a super BIG one . Like cause permanent or fatal harm to anyone or myself. I like to think that somehow as the years slip by all my mistakes and the lessons learned, are going to accumulate into this vast fount of wisdom until the mistakes are less and less and they build a shrine for me upon my death. Ha.
But then I remember the 75-year-old man who was just sentenced to 10 years in prison for killing his son-in-law. Or the 60-year-old woman charged with attempted murder after she drove over her mother-twice and yeah…that tune changes real quick!
I do know that I feel better reading about other people’s mistakes not just because it makes me feel smug but because it makes me feel less alone. I grew up petrified of making a mistake, forever thinking my mistakes made me flawed beyond repair. Never knowing mistakes are a normal, unavoidable , even vital part of the human condition. In the past, the openness of others has reiterated for me the very thing I’ve been trying to drill in my head for years: Mistakes are a part of being alive. Accept when you make one. Learn from it and then move the fuck on.
On that charming note I bring you, the even more charming:
Fuck Up Friday
A feature in which I will share something I’ve done that made me cringe at myself in hopes that it helps someone, somewhere. I hope that you, if you feel safe or feel you need to get something out in the open, will share a mistake too.
Go Play in Traffic
Soooooo, yesterday my friend I were out on a date. We had lunch at the High Level Diner here in Edmonton and then we went to the Cat Café on Whyte Ave. It was most fun and relaxing. Lots of chatting and laughing. At lunch we were talking about something scary my doctor had said after doing a brain function test on me- Are you sure you haven’t had a stroke?- and I had been saying that while yes she freaked me out, my blood pressure was good, I was healthy, yadda yadda yadda, I had just as much of a chance dying in traffic as I did via a stroke-this is Edmonton after all…so probably more. I should have kept my mouth shut!
Anyway, chat chat chat. Laugh laugh laugh. We/re standing at a cross walk waiting for our turn to go and I hear the audible signal so I step off and away we go! Only to get halfway across the fricking intersection and see that we are WALKING INTO TRAFFIC!
We don’t have the right of way! The cars are all zooming through the light and there we are trotting cluelessly toward them. The thing is? Not one of them honked their horns at us. It didn’t even look like they knew we were there!
I grabbed my friend’s arm and dragged her back to the sidewalk, and its a good thing I did because she was TEXTING and had no idea WHAT was going on.
I walked into traffic. I almost got myself killed or seriously injured by walking into traffic. At 45 years old. After years of safely getting myself from point a to point b.
We stood there nervously laughing, embarrassed as all hell and grateful to be OK. My friend said we shouldn’t be allowed outside unsupervised anymore, ha ha ha, like we were kids or something. But then I realised something…my friend is the same age as MY oldest child. Shes 25, sure. I’m 20 years older. She’s an adult but I’m the adultier adult.
Oh the agony!
Age and experience do not equal intelligence.
And that is my weekly shame.
What’s made you cringe at yourself this week?