Sh*T List- January

I used to think that in order to be a sunshiny, sugar sweet kind of person, I had to avoid all things that were negative. Life quickly taught me that was an impossible task! And so I found myself obsessively hiding the ugly stuff in life. Or glossing it up with lies and excusing it with pseudo science and platitudes.

For the LONGEST time I thought there was something wrong with me!

Why aren’t any of these positive thoughts working on any of my problems!?!?!?!?!?

Then as I delved deeper in my practice and I learned that all humans suffer. That suffering is a fact of life and a shared experience for all 7 billion of us, I felt great relief but I was still stuck with all these negative feelings. What the hell do I do with them?!

Well, the first thing I do is feel them.

And then…I put them on my Shit List!

There is something therapeutic about acknowledging the negative and then letting it go.

Sometimes, it comes back. That’s fine. Onto the list again. A shit list is actually a great tool to have because it:

Gets the negativity out of your head.

Helps you uncover patterns and serves as a roadmap to your challenges.

Validates your feelings OR shows you when you’re being a dumbass. ( The power of print! )

You can put anything you want on your list. People, experiences, objects, forces of nature. Whatevs. It’s all appropriate. We’re just making note of things that caused us suffering so we can acknowledge the negative and then… let it go.

With all that in mind I bring you: January’s Shit List

1. Alberta’s current government.

2. The creeps who prowl my neighbourhood, destroying and stealing property they go.

3. Mooshum, the worst watch dog in the history of watch dogs.

When said Creep walked by my fence that guy^didnt even look up from his sniffing.

4. The Flu, which not only got me but gave my 2 year old grandson a febrile seizure and tossed my 5 year old granddaughter into the hospital with pneumonia.

5. Carl’s Jr. who ignored us in the drive thru,leaving us to sit there for 5 minutes before we drove away. I was really craving a burger too. Grrr!

6. Wimpy cough candies. Why even bother making your product? Ricola, I’m looking at you.

7. Myself, for being a mindless, careless knitter and a clueless human. This is a whole post in itself.

8. Animal “rescues” who operate more like pet stores.

9. People who rain on your parade. Yes, Janice I know getting your finger pierced is probably am exercise in snagged fingers but LET ME HAVE MY THING! And Oh, I’m sure owning and operating my own business would be a lot of work, let me find that out for MYSELF instead of gracing me with your “expert” advice. Do you think the thought never occurred to me? What exactly is your point and what are you trying to prove?! It seems like any time I have an idea, share something cool on social media or make note of something unusual, there is always someone there to take a giant steamer on it. Get.out.of.here.with.your.negativity!

10. Advertising in Alberta: First, the phone message from The Brick – a large furniture store- who regularly calls to advertise their shit over the phone. This time, instead of the usual ” I’m so and so from The Brick!” in used car salesman voice the message was as such- ” Hi! How are you?!” long pause…as if the person were waiting for your response even though it’s most obviously a recorded message” Ha ha, just joking this is so and so from The Brick” Go Fuck Yourself with that stupid shit!

Then there’s this gem:

WHY? WHHHHHHY?!

I don’t live anywhere close to this neighbourhood! WHy are they sending me this and what does that photo have to do with teeth?! I hate capitalism.

11. My left ovary which feels like it has a cyst that’s trying to burst.

12. Unripe sapodilla’s that pretend to be ripe according to all sources but when you cut into said fruit of lies and take a big old bite out of a fruit that cost you 4 whole dollars, it so astringent that you have to spit it out into the sink and rinse your mouth out over and over again to repair the damage.

There, that should do it. One rant for every month of the year, ha. I feel better already. How about you? What’s on your SHit List this January?

Dumpster Fire Blues.

The world is a Dumpster Fire at the moment and it’s been really getting to me. I am an anxious, pissed off, exhausted mess.

With yesterday’s energy hangover from four days with my squishy faced boy, it was especially bad. Had the world been hit by an asteroid, I would have been happy to go 🙂 but today after some rest and self care, I seem to be back to my normal self.

(The next time you’re “in a mood” remember that rest, food, water and self love are a curative thing and take care of yourself before you write yourself and the whole word off ❤ )

I’m still angry, tired and scared but with my energy stores refueled I know I can get through it all. Besides, all is impermanent.

Thank Goddess for that! Because see above re: Dumpster Fire.

( I am SO curious about HOW though! Will people finally come to their senses soon? Natural progression of our world? War? Civil uprising of everyone hurt by this racist system ? Civil uprising of *PWU and their allies? Gaia finally has enough and shakes us all off? )

*People with Uteri

I really, really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, hope this is all just the final push before we evolve into a better, more enlightened group of humans but I just don’t know and I can’t control any of it.

It would be easy to say I’m just focussing on the negative but holy hell, there is a LOT if negative shit happening! I may not be able to control it but I CAN control myself -mostly- and so I’ve joined the Pro-Life Coalition and a few underground networks working to help people with uteruses get the medical care they need. I’m very busy online being a strong voice for choice, body autonomy and all the rest too.

I’m educating myself better on racism and stopping to observe police interactions with POC whenever I come across them, and I’m calling out hatred, discrimination and injustice when I see it too. People think Canada is a safe place with very little racism…yeah…NO! It’s always been there, hidden under our polite veneer. I don’t know whether to thank the Orange Asshat for inspiring such openness or revile him as usual. I guess it’s “easier” to fight when it’s out in the open but it’s awful all the same.

I’m doing my small part to be a responsible citizen of the Earth and not damage our natural mother any further. Plastic! UGH! We are absolutely surrounded by it! It all just makes me want to cry.

I call out and educate where I can about all kinds of different things -take your pick, there are many to choose from!

I’m practicing mindfulness and open friendly compassion for all. Especially those who are hurting others. Even though I’d really like to punch them straight in the fucking teeth. ( Just in case you think I’m some sort of saintly human…)

I know that while none of this is enough to change this fucked up situation we’re in, if each of us DOES SOMETHING, the collective CAN and WILL affect positive change.

I can’t sit by and watch the world burn. I can’t sit by and watch people suffer.

It’s very tempting to turn it all off. Avoid all media. Stop talking to my fellow humans. It’s OH SO TEMPTING to switch myself into Super-Duper Positive Lael, the being I turn into during times of stress who ignores all the bad stuff and lies to herself about what she’s witnessing and feeling. Or I could move myself out into the middle of fucking nowhere and go off grid…or hey invent a magic potion that enables me to go to sleep and wake up when this is all over.

What a luxury those choices would be!

But alas, if we all did that, those fuckers , ahem, hurting people who are hurting others would win and we can’t have that. I WON’T have that! Onward I go. I just need to be all dramatic about it first ❤

If you need to take a break from it all , take that break! If you need to scream for an hour in a field…SCREAM! If you need to do nothing but blast your favourite music and pull weeds furiously, do that!

Let’s just make sure we meet back here in a little bit and regroup 🙂