Reveal day was YESTERDAY but I was busy freaking out about our current situation so I’m a day late!
ANYhoo, I’m participating in the A-Z Challenge again this year and my theme is going to be: I don’t know.
Well, I do know. It’s ” I don’t know””
What? Why? Huh? How? Ok, let me put it another way. My topic this year is: I’m writing about things I didn’t know or still don’t.
1. Growing up in an emotionally chaotic family , I often felt vulnerable and powerless. Over time as a way to cope, I got it into my head that my suffering was a result of my low intelligence and so I set out to become SMART! I was going to learn and then know ALL THE THINGS! Even things I had no way of knowing. In my intelligence, I would also somehow become magic.
My thinking was this: The more knowledge I gathered, the more insulated I’d be from all the hurtful things. I would be so smart, I’d out think/sense/ know it all and sail through life. Nothing bad would happen to me anymore.
HA HA HA HA HA!
That idea was problematic for so many reasons and of course life set out to teach me otherwise. In my mid forties I found out just how wrong I was.
That was a Big Ouchy!
But lots of lovely things came out of that experience, the most valuable being this:
I don’t know shit! And that’s OK.
Actually, that’s pretty damn great! I loved this lesson – well the positive effects of this lesson, and I want MORE. I miss spending deliberate time in “I don’t know” land.
2. “I don’t know” gives me leave from my job as controller of the Universe. I wrote about that last year, HERE. I can relax into what’s happening NOW.
3. I try to practice and appreciate not knowing every day, but of course on my blog, I write about things I know because well…how would I write about the things I don’t?! Well, this way! I think it’ll be an interesting new way to stretch my brain out.
4. The repercussions of thinking one knows everything can be harsh and swift! It behooves me to take myself down a notch, every once in awhile. To explore the idea that I don’t know EVERYTHING. To keep myself humble. I don’t need any more of life’s smacks upside the head, thankyouverymuch!
There you have it! Please join me here in April, for my A-Zs of I don’t know!