When I went no contact with my dysfunctional family 12+ years ago I was hoping that at some point, my sister and I would eventually be able to have a healthy relationship.
I imagined we’d come together effortlessly. Our relationship would be one born of growth and healthy behaviors. It would be “normal”.
My issue wasn’t with her so much as it was with the woman who gave birth to me. And even though there were problems between us, I chalked it up to her level of maturity. I thought she’d grow and gain clarity and do her best to unlearn the negative behaviors and coping skills we both had. Armed with our new skills we’d live happily ever after.
Ha Ha Ha!
I’m such a dreamer.
What I did not know was how deep the level of toxicity would be for a person continuing to live within that dysfunction.
I haven’t lived within it for years. I’ve been able to untangle things, to heal, to grow and develop a beautiful healthy life.
She has not.
It’s strange because she never seemed bothered by any of the mess. She was way better at letting things slide off her back.
The years and toxicity take their toll and do their damage anyway. Just because a person seems to be doing well doesn’t meant they are.
Every so often she messages me – drunk- and tries to start things up again but I just can’t. I’ve worked too hard to create the life and maintain the positive mental state that I have.
When I dreamed my little sisterly dream so many years ago, I did not know that I’d choose the opposite. And it would feel right for me. I did not know that I’d choose peace, with firmness and love.