We haven’t had a Fuck Up Friday in awhile!
I’m just so perfect and never make mistakes I guess.
That’s a lie if there ever was one!
I have most definitely made mistakes, I just haven’t been too, too worried about them, which my friends is progress!
But I did fuck up recently, and I do think I should share because it could potentially help someone else.
When I was working at my very stressful job and living my very stressful life, I was meditating two times a day PLUS doing walking meditation for 50 mins every week day.
It barely made a dent in my anxiety but it gave me “the pause” . That space between feeling and thought. Thought and speech. Thought and action. It gave me a safe place, a second at a time to gather myself and realize that I was OK. That I was doing OK and that I was resilient and brave and all the rest.
Life improved. I quit that job. And I started slacking off. At first I’d miss a day of meditation. Then a few days. Then weeks. Then whole months would pass with no formal practice.
Sure, I was still practicing my checkins and doing my mantras and I’ve always used walks as meditiation. But it seems those thing were not enough!
I’ve recently noticed how quick I am to anger! Over little stupid things! I’m starting to get pretty vocal about it too…ranty. Which is fine for things like human rights and environmental issues and politics…but maybe not ok for Vagisil commercials… ha ha ha.
I have made a mistake! I lost my pause when I lost my meditation practice!
I have fucked up!
Having said that, I am grateful! Why? Because I was still a half assed meditator back when I was consistent. Sure, I did it A LOT but I did it out of need and desperation as opposed to knowledge and appreciation. Now I know for myself. I have first hand knowledge and experience behind me telling me WHY it’s important to have a consistent practice. I know the value of it and you can bet your booty, I wont be so lax with it in the future.
I might even buy one of those pillow things and do it properly, ha!
Sooooo, if you have a practice…and you think it’s not working or you think it’s boring, or you think it’s OK to miss “just one day” please think of me ranting about feminine “hygiene” products and reconsider. You might not be able to see the full scope of all the positive benefits but they are there!
Did you have any major f*ck ups this week? This is a safe place to share them if you have!