V is for *Vulnerability. A-Z Challenge.

Gah! Just typing the word skeeves me out.

Vulnerability.

You might not be able to tell at this present time but I have used to have a hard lacquered shell over my heart.

I grew it myself over the years in response to:

A. Being born a highly sensitive person.

B. Experiencing both ongoing and sudden trauma.

My hard shell has served me well. ( POETRY!) It was a necessary tool I used to protect myself. It gave me a feeling of power, control, comfort and safety.

It helped me as I built resilience and courage. It helped me as I cultivated my fierce sense of honesty, authenticity and integrity.

And then it started working against me and cut me off from intimacy and truth , truth. Connection and freedom.

It be like that sometimes.

Lucky for me, my hard shell was actually a fragile thing. It was smashed to the ground and shattered a few years ago.

That event left me shocked and reeling. Unable to hide. Exposed.

Completely vulnerable.

It was awful.

But it was also awesome because I kind of “levelled up” if you will. I grew exponentially within myself. Something that would have never happened had I been wearing that really tight and limiting shell.

I was forced to finally admit that I while, yes, I am still a bad ass. I am not all that tough. I actually do have feelings. LOTS OF THEM.

I have a very squishy heart. My insides are full of marshmallow fluff.

YES!!!

Most people saw through my tough act anyhow. I wasn’t really hiding anything. Mostly I just made a fool out of myself, ha ha.

I was as human as anybody else!

So, I’ve had to learn how to allow myself to be vulnerable. I’ve had to learn how to show my heart, how to live through my heart and how to protect myself as needed, by other means. (Boundary setting and lots of self love)

This whole blog is an expression of living through my heart!

Being vulnerable still scares me of course and it still takes lots of work to stick with. That’s where really where my strength lies. That’s really where my toughness is. Because while my heart is soft and marshmellowy, while it’s squishy and silly, it is also stubborn and fierce and brave.

My hero!

What are your thoughts on vulnerability? Is it easy for you? Do you cringe too? What does vulnerability mean to you?


11 thoughts on “V is for *Vulnerability. A-Z Challenge.

  1. In your vulnerability is your strength – I don’t know who said that but it is comforting! Do I always show my vulnerability to everyone? I certainly do when with people I seriously care about – it just means being who I am, nothing more nor less. Thanks Lael-Heart lovely post πŸŒΊπŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a fabulous post, L ❀
    You expressed your emotions so beautifully it stirred me. Vulnerable or not, the important thing is to love yourself and embrace all your "flaws" as strengths. By the looks of it, you do that really well πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Have you watched Brene Brown’s special on Netflix? She talks about this very thing, feeling vulnerable when attacked or facing the possibility of attack. I cant remember exactly what she said but I found it really empowering and comforting. You might too, if you’ve seen it. I don’t like that icky feeling either.
      I gets harder and harder to hide as we get older I think. One of the benefits.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Vulnerability and I have traveled a long road together. Sometimes it’s packed away and sometimes it walks alongside. Just like a lot of things in my backpack. It’s pulled out when needed — just like my brass knuckles πŸ˜‰ I’m kind of being a smartaleck here, as vulnerability and trust are so closely intertwined, and trust is a one still in its development stage. You ask good questions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • *snort! YES!!! Oooh I’m howling with delight. My face hurts from smiling so hard. Brass knuckles. Weeee! I adore the visual of having a backpack of tools for every situation. You’ve got me thinking about my version of brass knuckles now. I swear, I’ve lived with then at the ready since I was around 5 years old πŸ™‚ Thank you SO much for that! ❀
      You're so right about vulnerability and trust being so closely intertwined. They kind of stack up on one another and unfold as time moves a relationship further along. You don't just hand out your vulnerability to anyone…
      Thank you! I so enjoy your thoughts.

      Like

    • ❀
      It is TOTALLY hard. I still fight it πŸ™‚ You are brave though. Typing out your comment here proves that ❀
      Have you watched Brene Brown's Netflix talk or anything she has on YouTube or TEDx? Amaaazingly helpful!

      Like

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