Heart-Child

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My first Heart-Child turns four today. The days are long but the years are short. I don’t know how this kid got to be four, but here she is.

I adore being a Grammy. It’s the best role I’ve found myself in yet. A million times better than being a parent. I’d even go so far as to say, grandparenting is the only reason one should have children. Ha.

All the love and none of the angst. What a marvellous thing. 10/10 would recommend.

This little girl, besides being a gift, gave me a gift.

The gift of my own mortality.

When we first met, I was instantly struck by these thoughts:

Here is someone who is going to miss me when I die. She’s going to know my death and its going to be a loss. I am going to die, in her lifetime.

I never ever thought about this with my own kids because I was too damn terrified of their deaths, never mind my own. I spent 18 years of their lives doing my best to keep them alive. (And I did it, go me!)

I think being released from that job, symbolically with the birth of my girl allowed me to wake up to my own death. And that’s pretty fucking cool. Because when we acknowledge we’re going to die every day, the days that we live get that much better. We’re free to filter out the nonsense and focus on the things that really matter to us. Enabling us to live a full, rich life. While we still have one!

I don’t want my life to be like my Summers. Lollygagging around as if its going to last forever and then get to the end and have regrets.

So endless thanks to my favourite four-year old!

What are your thoughts on death? Are you afraid of it? Curious about it? Tell me in the comments.

 

 

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