Oops!

I’ve been thinking about mistakes a lot today because guess what??

I just made a BIG one.

One I’m not normally prone to do. One that is going to involve talking about said mistake-rather than sweeping it under the rug – and apologizing to a friend. Talk about humbling! And cringey. And just…gross!

I am a human, just like the rest of you. Who knew?

I’ve been denying this for so long, trying my best to a saint but alas the truth remains: I am flawed.

I guess since I’m going to start accepting this truth I may as well open up to the fact that us humans make mistakes every day. Big ones, small ones, inconsequential ones and catastrophic ones.

Ahhhh!  I know right? Horrifying. Mistakes are not just a once in a blue moon kinda thing.

We`re all out here in the world, trying our best to be happy. Doing the things we think will make that so and fucking up all over the place anyway.

Just when I think I’m wise or have great integrity, just when I think to myself-Wow Lady, you finally do have it all together. High five YOU!- Im quickly shown the exact opposite and am thrown back to square one.

I like to think that even with my mistakes, I’m never really going to make a super BIG one . Like cause permanent or fatal harm to anyone or myself. I like to think that somehow as the years slip by all my mistakes and the lessons learned, are going to accumulate into this vast fount of wisdom until the mistakes are less and less and they build a shrine for me upon my death. Ha.

But then I remember the 75-year-old man who was just sentenced to 10 years in prison for killing his son-in-law. Or the 60-year-old woman charged with attempted murder after she drove over her mother-twice and yeah…that tune changes real quick!

I do know that I feel better reading about other people’s mistakes not just because it makes me feel smug but because it makes me feel less alone. I grew up petrified of making a mistake, forever thinking my mistakes made me flawed beyond repair. Never knowing mistakes are a normal, unavoidable , even vital part of the human condition. In the past, the openness of others has reiterated for me the very thing I’ve been trying to drill in my head for years: Mistakes are a part of being alive. Accept when you make one. Learn from it and then move the fuck on.

On that charming note I bring you, the even more charming:

Fuck Up Friday

A feature in which I will share something I’ve done that made me cringe at myself in hopes that it helps someone, somewhere. I hope that you, if you feel safe or feel you need to get something out in the open, will share a mistake too.

Go Play in Traffic

Soooooo, yesterday my friend I were out on a date. We had lunch at the High Level Diner here in Edmonton and then we went to the Cat Café on Whyte Ave. It was most fun and relaxing. Lots of chatting and laughing. At lunch we were talking about something scary my doctor had said after doing a brain function test on me- Are you sure you haven’t had a stroke?- and I had been saying that while yes she freaked me out, my blood pressure was good, I was healthy, yadda yadda yadda, I had just as much of a chance dying in traffic as I did via a stroke-this is Edmonton after all…so probably more. I should have kept my mouth shut!

Anyway, chat chat chat. Laugh laugh laugh. We/re standing at a cross walk waiting for our turn to go and I hear the audible signal so I step off and away we go! Only to get halfway across the fricking intersection and see that we are WALKING INTO TRAFFIC!

We don’t have the right of way! The cars are all zooming through the light and there we are trotting cluelessly toward them. The thing is? Not one of them honked their horns at us. It didn’t even look like they knew we were there!

I grabbed my friend’s arm and dragged her back to the sidewalk, and its a good thing I did because she was TEXTING and had no idea WHAT was going on.

I walked into traffic. I almost got myself killed or seriously injured by walking into traffic. At 45 years old. After years of safely getting myself from point a to point b.

OY!

We stood there nervously laughing, embarrassed as all hell and grateful to be OK. My friend said we shouldn’t be allowed outside unsupervised anymore, ha ha ha, like we were kids or something. But then I realised something…my friend is the same age as MY oldest child. Shes 25, sure. I’m 20 years older.  She’s an adult but I’m the adultier adult.

Oh the agony!

Lessons learned:

Pay Attention!

Age and experience do not equal intelligence.

And that is my weekly shame.

What’s made you cringe at yourself this week?

 

 

 

 

Everyone Should Keep A List…

of all the little things they love.

I read this once, in a book written by a women living with ALS (Until I Say Goodbye. My Year of Living With Joy. Susan Spencer-Wendel ) And you know, I agree. I think a list like this can help you sort of fine tune your interests and show you what makes you, YOU. I think a list like this can help foster gratitude and appreciation for your blessings and privilege. I think a list like this can help filter out the wheat from the chaff in a world obsessed with things that don’t really matter in the long run. And I think a list like this can help you when you have a sad. Big or small.

I bring you part one of mine. and I want to see yours. Won’t you play too?

Part One-Little Things I Love.

  1. Every dog that lives or ever has.
  2. Ditto cats.
  3. Ditto any pet.
  4. Ditto any animal. Even the yucky ones like slugs and worms.
  5. Maps.
  6. Trees.
  7. Rocks.
  8. Wood.
  9. People who bring me rocks and wood.
  10. The colour blue.
  11. Peaches and nectarines.
  12. Cherries.
  13. Penticton, BC.
  14. Tilley Hats.
  15. Travelling.
  16. Old photos.
  17. Music.
  18. Water to drink and play in.
  19. Good memories.
  20. Waterproof jackets.
  21. Warm and gentle rain.
  22. Homegrown fruit and veggies.
  23. A well stock fridge, freezer and pantry.
  24. Grandchildren.
  25. Love and affection.

Now its your turn. Create your own list. Either share it on your own blog (and if we’re not connected yet , comment and share the link) or share the whole thing here, in the comments! I want to know what you love!

Love&Light

 

Heart-Child

DSC07067

My first Heart-Child turns four today. The days are long but the years are short. I don’t know how this kid got to be four, but here she is.

I adore being a Grammy. It’s the best role I’ve found myself in yet. A million times better than being a parent. I’d even go so far as to say, grandparenting is the only reason one should have children. Ha.

All the love and none of the angst. What a marvellous thing. 10/10 would recommend.

This little girl, besides being a gift, gave me a gift.

The gift of my own mortality.

When we first met, I was instantly struck by these thoughts:

Here is someone who is going to miss me when I die. She’s going to know my death and its going to be a loss. I am going to die, in her lifetime.

I never ever thought about this with my own kids because I was too damn terrified of their deaths, never mind my own. I spent 18 years of their lives doing my best to keep them alive. (And I did it, go me!)

I think being released from that job, symbolically with the birth of my girl allowed me to wake up to my own death. And that’s pretty fucking cool. Because when we acknowledge we’re going to die every day, the days that we live get that much better. We’re free to filter out the nonsense and focus on the things that really matter to us. Enabling us to live a full, rich life. While we still have one!

I don’t want my life to be like my Summers. Lollygagging around as if its going to last forever and then get to the end and have regrets.

So endless thanks to my favourite four-year old!

What are your thoughts on death? Are you afraid of it? Curious about it? Tell me in the comments.

 

 

52 Days Left

Happy August!

I find myself in a bit of a panic today. We have 52 days of Summer left! August being our last full month. Eeek!!

I feel like I haven’t exactly been lazy…but I have sure been acting like Summer is never going to end! How about you?

I just know, come Winter I shall be kicking myself for all the time I’ve spent indoors instead of making the most out of these glorious months. With that in mind and as an excuse to write another list, I bring you:

How to honour Summer. Lael style.

  1. Eat meals outdoors.
  2. Bike rides.
  3. Go to the beach.
  4. Feed the chickadees.
  5. Collect rocks.
  6. Paint rocks and hide them for people to find in unexpected places.
  7. Read books lazily outside.
  8. Take photos of all the things!
  9. Weenie roasts.
  10. S’mores roasts.
  11. Watch the sunrise and sunset.
  12. Go for hikes.
  13. Grab a cool drink, sit where people gather and just watch the world go by.
  14. Enjoy a daily walk in new neighbourhoods.
  15. Have a few road trip adventures.
  16. Meals out with friends.
  17. Slurpees!!
  18. Ice cream!
  19. Lay out and watch the clouds float by.
  20. Lay out and watch the stars-The Perseid Meteor shower starts soon!
  21. Visit parks in other cities.
  22. Have picnics.
  23.  Preserve,freeze and create with the bounty of Summer fruits and vegetables.
  24. Wander up and down the “cool” areas of town.
  25. Take photos of EVERYTHING!
  26.  Visit gardens
  27. Blow bubbles
  28. Make lemonade
  29. Spend time barefoot.
  30. Play in the rain
  31. Go into the woods, sit really still and just watch.
  32. Make friends with all the neighbourhood animals.

Special thanks to my friends, Chantel and Carolyn for the inspiration!

How do you honour and enjoy Summer?